Connecting with Youth: The Power of Play

Can parenting be fun?!?!?!? 
Can having fun with you kids actually help their brain development?
Find out all about this in today's episode of Brain Based Parenting.

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Transcript

The Power of Play in Parenting

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:34

Hello there, and thank you for joining us as we talk about brain-based parenting. Today, we're going to talk about the power of play. To do that, I'm joined by Sol Isaac, daniel and William Howdy. All right, since our topic is play today, I wanted to ask you guys what is your favorite sport to play?

Speaker 4 0:50

Basketball yeah, I'd say basketball. It kind of changes with each season, though.

Speaker 2 0:59

That's how my daughter is.

Speaker 3 1:00

Whatever sport is in season, that's her favorite one to play. I can't choose between disc golf and tennis but probably more so disc golf, because it's my hobby.

Speaker 5 1:05

I guess I would argue that my favorite sport to play is actually something you do not play but you engage in, and it is not a sport, it is ritualistic combat, and that is wrestling. I think that's awesome. I did that for like six or seven years or so.

Speaker 6 1:25

I mean I kind of hop around. I don't really have a favorite, I just enjoy doing all sorts of activities. But I've recently gotten into golfing. I went golfing with one of the house parents here actually.

Speaker 1 1:34

It was a lot of fun.

Speaker 6 1:35

So the only problem is it's quite a bit of money to drop. So, yeah, that's my problem with it.

Speaker 4 1:42

So is mine.

Speaker 5 1:46

His yeah, that's my problem with it. Soul's lying. His favorite is eSports and it's called.

Speaker 2 1:49

Doobie, there you go, fortnite.

Speaker 5 1:50

Fortnite streamer.

Speaker 2 1:52

All right. So we talked in previous podcasts about building relationships and it struck me just how important the power of play is in building relationships. Why do you think that that is?

Speaker 5 2:01

I really think one of the most important things about sports and other activities like that really has to do with the community and peer interaction involved with that. You know we're living in we mentioned eSports earlier, which is kind of funny. I brought that up. We're living in we mentioned e-sports earlier, which is kind of funny how we brought that up. But we're living in kind of a day and age where there seems to be less social interactions, especially physical social interactions between people the same age, especially kids. So I think that's a great way where they can. I mean, that's a great way to build social skills. It's a great way to build, you know, how you work with other individuals, sharing stuff like that. So I think that's a really important reason it should be used.

Speaker 6 2:41

Yeah, I think, you know, nothing brings up brotherly love like a bit of competition. So, you know, letting each of them out onto the court to, you know, don't humiliate one another. You know they come out with a bit of mutual respect for each other. More hatred, more hatred, more hatred?

Speaker 4 3:00

No, not ever. I think sports just really activates your mind and it really for me at least I think it does help with dopamine production and everything. So having that having dopamine production connected to a sport or whatever and then enjoying that with the people you're doing it with it's just. I think that's very important. It's good to help the kids grow and experience things other than just sitting inside and watching a movie or playing a game.

Speaker 2 3:28

So sometimes it seems like when you first try to get a kid to jump into any type of activity, they're kind of hesitant. They don't really want to do it or participate.

Speaker 4 3:41

What are some things that you guys do to?

Speaker 5 3:42

get kids to kind of take that jump and jump in.

Speaker 4 3:43

Get really excited about it yourself. Show excitement from yourself and they'll usually follow you.

Speaker 5 3:46

It's a sales pitch for sure. It's all about the sale. I'd say a lot of times we're like salesmen, that but I think a really important thing is also choosing the activity appropriately for the group that you're going to be with. If you're going to have, maybe, a co-ed group, if you're going to have maybe a group with different ages in it, I think that's something that you need to think about and just level you know the amount of competition that you're going to have in that too, just to make it so everyone can feel included and no one's going to feel like they're too intimidated.

Speaker 6 4:16

And I think you know peer pressuring does not work. If they're, they are hesitant. Instead of, you know, trying to trying to egg them on, rather maybe just encourage them by my, as Isaac said, you know, being excited about it yourself and just being involved in it.

Speaker 4 4:33

And I think that they'll eventually join.

Speaker 2 4:34

I know for me, when I was a kid, I used to always be that grumbly kid that didn't want to do anything and then when I actually, my mom, would you know, make me go and end up having a good time. I think a lot of kids are like that too. Daughters are the same way. It's kind of funny how that comes full circle. So we talk a lot about safety. What are some strategies you employ to make sure that kids feel safe enough to participate in an activity and so that they'll engage with?

Speaker 4 4:59

it. I think just having having the relationship with a kid will make them feel more open and safe about doing something, if you're doing it with them. So if you're going to play a sport and you invite them to go, you know, do an activity, and you show up and then you don't play, they're going to be a lot more hesitant to actually do that. You don't play. They're going to be a lot more hesitant to actually do that. You know, maybe something like the zip line or a ropes course, like where it's a little bit of danger, not really because you're harnessing.

Speaker 5 5:24

Yeah, probably the safest place on Boy's Ranch is actually like 200 feet up in the air on that zip line or however high it is.

Speaker 4 5:32

But it really is true. You know, when you're, when you're on that zip line, it's like, well, I really don't want to do this, I'm scared of heights. And then you see, okay, somebody else did it.

Speaker 4 5:41

I feel safe enough to do this now, or you see that person being scared. You say, well, I really don't want to do it because the person that I trust that I came here with, is too scared to do it as well. Definitely not going to build them up to want to do the activity. Sometimes they'll want to show you up, but yeah, if they're competitive enough.

Speaker 5 6:00

No, safety is kind of a hard thing. It's hard for me, especially because a lot of times you think of safety measures and you think of rules that are getting in the way of us having fun. You know, like, oh, these life jackets, these aren't going to let me have fun. But you really need to kind of pitch it to them as, hey, this is really what allows us to have fun, because we're going to be doing things now to where we don't have to worry about physical harm, so we can focus on the fun as opposed to the risk in that. So I think you just need to come at it from that mindset as, hey, these are what allows us to do it and this is what's going to make it, so we do it properly. And then they can be reluctant, but I would say usually everyone's going to catch on when you explain it to them like that.

Speaker 2 6:47

So I think we've talked a little bit about this and, william, I think you just kind of said it, but you have to really have that structure and routine in those activities so that they can be safe. But you also have to have the relationship, so the kids are going to want to do it. So you kind of have to have that balance. Where do you guys think you fall on that structure of being either too much rules or too much relationship, and how can that be a good thing or bad thing for you?

Speaker 4 7:11

I probably fall into the too much relationship a lot of the time and sometimes it leads to you know you need to reinforce boundaries. It can be awkward and hard to do sometimes but, yes, probably falling under the too much relationship.

Speaker 3 7:28

I think I tend to fall on the too structured, too hard on the rules side of things and I think the dangers of that is like the relationship can get cold right a little bit because it's not very nurturing, and and again like children can just read through everything way more than you think you that way more than you think that they can um, and so, yeah, I think the relationship just grows too cold.

Speaker 3 7:51

They'll tend to think that you're only there because it's your job, or you're only there because you have to, and and so it's. Yeah, I think that's the dangers of that one.

Speaker 5 7:59

Have you guys ever heard the term helicopter mom before?

Speaker 2 8:02

Something like that I am a helicopter Well, not a helicopter mom. I'm a helicopter dad, yeah, no.

Positive Energy and Influence in Activities

Speaker 5 8:08

I mean, that's something that, you know, we kind of throw around that term sometimes jokingly in society, but it can sometimes be a problem to have too much guidance in terms of, you know, you could say it in parenting and you could say it in working with residential childcare too, because, again, rules, boundaries, those are those things are really good, but at some point you do need to let kids make mistakes, and you know you, you know it's not like we're letting kids get hurt, but to an extent you need to let them understand that this is what happens when we don't follow the rules, and this is what happens, so they can kind of get more of a hands-on learning experience of that for themselves, rather than someone just telling them what would happen.

Speaker 6 8:49

I agree with that. I find it difficult to do it sometimes, especially with kids who try to push every single button. There is you know, and so you. Yeah, I find myself falling more along the the mentor authority line.

Speaker 2 9:05

I did find it interesting there's a mixture of both in here and I actually think that's a good thing, right, that we have to have some people that are rules you know that's their primary go to structured routine, and then there's other people who are going to be the nurturer, the let's just go have fun, because I know for me I'm a rules, rules, rules, but my wife's more of the nurturer. So we kind of balance each other out, we help each other out, and I think that in relationships with kids that's a good thing to have too. Having several adults, that can be all those different things. How important is it for us adults to express feelings of excitement or passion about whatever activity we want the kid to participate in? Isaac, you already kind of said it, but yeah, very important.

Speaker 4 9:44

Like your mood can influence so many different kids, especially as a trusted adult with a group of kids out here. How you interact or react to things is going to influence how they do a lot of the time.

Speaker 4 9:56

Now, if they start off in a bad mood, it's going to take a lot more effort to get them into a good one, but it takes a lot less effort to put them into a bad mood. So making sure you're excited and enthusiastic about doing stuff that really helps when we do activities with the Dippel Activity staff on Thursdays and everything. Just having four guys show up and say, oh, let's get really excited about dodgeball.

Speaker 4 10:24

It's like, okay, dodgeball, whatever, but you can be really excited about it and the kids will enjoy it and you end up having a really good time.

Speaker 5 10:32

Yeah, mr Sprock, you talk about mirror neurons quite a bit in your training on brain development, right.

Speaker 2 10:39

Oh yeah.

Speaker 5 10:40

I mean just us, just the way we're wired as humans. We are going to pick up on people's energy, and then we're going to reflect that also, which I think is really cool you talked about in training, and I mean it just applies to everything. I mean even getting kids excited for dodgeball and stuff like that. Or yeah, I mean just kids excited for dodgeball and stuff like that. Or yeah, I mean just yeah, everything's made of energy, and if you're given that fun energy, if you're, you know, giving those good vibrations out, I mean kids pick up on that and that's what they're going to be mimicking.

Speaker 6 11:09

That's a great point. Yeah, for the Latin lover in here, there's a really good Latin quote that says uva umba bendovere fit. Correct. Translated to English means grape changes color when it sees another grape, but that's just a fancy way of saying people change people.

Speaker 1 11:21

And I think that that is.

Speaker 6 11:24

In order for someone to become better, they have to have that example in their life.

Speaker 2 11:31

I just think of it out here. You guys mentioned disc golf a little bit. We've had a disc golf course out here for probably 15, 20 years and almost no one ever used it. And then we got like two or three people super, super excited about it and their passion just has like caught fire, yeah. And now you go out there and you have to like keep your head on a swivel because there can be discs flying here and there and there.

Speaker 5 11:54

Yeah, it's like you're in Roswell though UFOs.

Speaker 2 11:58

But I think that just speaks to what you guys were talking about, how passion for an activity the kids will pick up on and they'll run with. You guys have any other examples of that that you've done last year or two?

Speaker 5 12:09

You can definitely see it in sports too. If you have, I mean, if you've got a head coach. I mean you see this not just in our facility, but just schools nationwide. You know, you see these teams and they maybe get a really good head coach, someone that has a lot of passion for it, a heart for the kids. And you see them, they build this great team and then they're winning state. You know they're winning district and then they're winning it the next year and the next year and you get these kind of uh, you almost get these um, school sort of like not a motto, what's the word for, I don't know maybe just like you get. You get these stereotypes that go schools stereotypes a bad word because that implies like it's negative but you get these, I don't know these specialty schools almost that like, oh man, these guys got a great tennis team, or oh, these guys, you know, are some of the best swimmers in the state, and it's just, you know, they just keep feeding off of each other's energy which pushes them forward.

Speaker 2 13:02

All right. I want to thank Daniel, william, sol and Isaac for all the wisdom you've provided today, and thank you all there in podcast land for having some fun with us today.

Speaker 1 13:10

So as always, remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just remember you make sure and get them back. Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's no-transcript.