Brain Based Parenting
Brain Based Parenting, The Boys Ranch Podcast for families.
We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch has to offer.
Contact us: email
podcasts@calfarley.org
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Brain Based Parenting
25 Brain Based Parenting Tips
Message us Questions and/or comments about the show
Discover the essential strategies to transform your parenting approach.
From establishing a nurturing environment that emphasizes trust and security to practical techniques for staying attuned to your child's needs. Learn how to create predictability, meet basic needs, and regulate relationships to foster emotional well-being in your children. Explore the power of structured routines, playful interactions, and the art of maintaining composure during discipline—all aimed at promoting a supportive and positive environment where your child can thrive.
Contact:
podcasts@calfarley.org
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome. Today I'm going to share with you 25 of the most important insights I've learned in my 20 years of working at Cal Farley's Boys Ranch. But before we get to that, we're excited to celebrate our one-year anniversary of the Brain-Based Parenting Podcast. So today I want to share a little bit about what inspired this journey. Over the years as I've worked at Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, people have often sought me out to ask for advice on their children once they realized what I do for a living. Each time I've had these conversations, I realized how much there is to share about parenting. While the families I spoke with always appreciated insights, I always felt there's more valuable information I could offer. So to capture some of these most essential principles I've learned in my 20 years at Boys Ranch, I initially created a list of 25 insights that summarize the heart of what I found most effective in parenting and child development. The response to this list was overwhelmingly positive, and it led me to think about even more parents and families that could benefit from these ideas, and that's when the concept for this podcast started to take shape. In just one year, brain Based Parenting has reached thousands of listeners across six continents, 57 countries and 950 cities, with families all eager to build stronger, healthier relationships with their kids. So I thank you for listening and being part of the Brain Based Parenting community. I really do appreciate your continued support of the show. So, as we mark this milestone, I'm thrilled to share with you my 25 strategies, drawing from the rich training and experience I've gained at Cal Farley's Boys Ranch. Each one is designed to help foster a nurturing, structured environment that supports your child's growth and strengthens the bond you share. So let's get started.
Speaker 2:25 things. Number one the first step in working with your child should always be building safety. When you start working with your child, establishing a sense of safety is crucial. While you may understand that your child is in a secure, safe environment, their perception of safety might differ from yours. Until your child truly feels safe, it's challenging to make lasting progress on anything else. Safety goes beyond physical surroundings. It includes emotional security, trust, comfort. So take the time to be curious and understand what safety means to your child. Maybe it's consistency, predictability or having a calming routine. Once you identify what makes them feel secure, make an intentional effort to provide those elements consistently. A child who feels genuinely safe is more likely to be open, cooperative and receptive.
Speaker 2:Two be present both physically and receptive. Two be present both physically and emotionally. Being present means more than just being in the same room as your child. It involves actively engaging with them, both physically and emotionally. Kids notice when our minds are elsewhere, even if we're sitting right beside them. Show them that you're fully there by putting away any distractions like your phone, computer, and giving them your complete attention. Emotional presence is equally important. Let them feel that you're genuinely interested in their experiences, thoughts and feelings. When you're present in this way, you're building trust and demonstrating that they matter, which helps them reinforce their sense of security and self-worth.
Speaker 2:Number three pay attention. Children need our undivided attention to feel valued and understood. When we're attentive, we show that we prioritize their needs and care deeply about their thoughts and feelings. Be mindful of how you spend your time with them. Avoid multitasking or being preoccupied with other obligations. Remember your child just doesn't need your physical presence. They need your focus. Avoid being selfish with your attention, withholding it for when it's just convenient for you. Small, attentive moments can have a huge impact in fostering a sense of self-worth and belonging in your child. That helps build their confidence and emotional well-being. Number four be attuned or curious. Attunement requires tuning into your child's emotional state, needs and experiences. It means looking beyond surface behaviors, which are often just symptoms of deeper issues or unmet needs. Ask yourself what can my child be communicating through this behavior? Being curious allows you to approach situations with an open mind, without jumping to conclusions or judgments.
Speaker 2:By exploring their emotions and motivations, you gain insight into their unique needs, which might be different from your own. This understanding helps you address the root causes of behavior rather than simply reacting to them. Number five meet their needs. Meeting your child's needs, especially the basics like consistent meals. Routines provide stability and reassurance. Children thrive on predictability, which helps them feel more in control of their world. Regular meals, proper rest and other basic needs give a solid foundation for emotional regulation and learning. By focusing on these essentials, you create an environment where your child's more complex needs can also be addressed over time. A consistent, responsive approach shows that you're dependable and committed to their well-being, helping to establish trust and connection that fosters growth. Number six make everything as predictable as possible. Children thrive on predictability, which helps them feel secure and in control of their environment. Establish a daily routine that includes regular sleep patterns with consistent bedtimes and wake-up times. Work with your child to find out how they prefer to be woken up in the morning, which might make the process smoother and more comfortable for them. Routines provide a sense of normalcy, creating structure that helps reduce stress and anxiety. When kids know what to expect, they can better regulate themselves and prepare for the day, contributing to a calm, focused state that makes them more receptive to guidance and learning.
Speaker 2:Number seven provide short doses of relational regulation. Relational activities, even brief ones, can help children feel connected and regulated. Spend small chunks of time doing activities that encourage your child in a gentle, non-pressuring way. Go for a walk, take a short drive. Visit a place with animals, as these can often offer calming sensory experiences. Try low-key activities like coloring, listening to music or sharing interests, even if they differ from your own, and be non-judgmental about their choices. These short, positive interactions can regulate their emotions by strengthening the bond between you, making them feel seen and understood, and without overwhelming them.
Speaker 2:Number eight when they're frustrated, utilize active listening. When your child's upset, active listening can make them feel heard and validated. Phrases like that must be very frustrating when or it must feel very disappointing when they show that you recognize and empathize with their feelings. Statements such as sounds like you feel no one is hearing you demonstrate that you're attuned to their perspective. This approach not only soothes their frustration, but also builds a strong connection of trust in helping them communicate their emotions effectively, and it shows that you're taking them seriously. Active listening can prevent escalation and open the door to meaningful conversations about their challenges.
Speaker 2:Number nine meet their needs. Trust often is difficult for children, especially if they've had experiences where their needs weren't consistently met. The best way to build trust is to demonstrate reliability by meeting their basic needs on a consistent basis. This includes providing regular home meals, stable home environment and emotional presence. Over time, consistently fulfilling their needs teaches them that you're dependable, helping repair any distrust they might have. It also lays the groundwork for them to trust others in the future and feel secure in their relationships. This will provide a reliable role model for them to look back on.
Speaker 2:Number 10. Reframe the way you think about their outbursts. A child's outburst is often a call for help, a bid for attention and trying to get an unmet need fulfilled. Though they might lack the skills to express it properly, try to see beyond the immediate behavior and view it as an attempt, albeit a misguided one, to communicate. When an outburst happens, respond to it with curiosity rather than frustration. What need might they be trying to fulfill? This reframing helps you see the intention behind their actions, which might be more positive than it appears. Over time, you can teach them constructive ways to express their needs, reinforcing that they can rely on you to understand and support them.
Speaker 2:Number 11, utilize redos. Oftentimes we focus on telling kids what not to do without clarifying what we would like them to do instead. Redos give children the opportunity to practice the right behavior without feeling shamed or overly punished. For example, if a kid slams a door, you can calmly suggest hey, let's try that again, but this time close the door more gently. Or if they demand something in a very disrespectful tone, say whoa, let's try that again, but this time ask with respect. Redos create a low-pressure way for kids to learn appropriate behaviors through practice while reinforcing positive actions you'd like to see Over time. This approach builds good habits and makes them feel capable of meeting your expectations.
Speaker 2:Number 12, front-loading. Giving kids advanced notice of upcoming transitions can prevent frustration and help them mentally prepare. By providing time markers like 15 minutes of relief for school, then 10 minutes, then 2 minutes, can help ease the transitions and avoid surprises that could lead to resistance and meltdowns. This strategy not only creates a smoother routine, but also teaches them to manage their time, preparing for future situations where planning and awareness of time are essential. Front-loading empowers them to take more responsibility and adapt to changes with less stress.
Speaker 2:Number 13. Provide a checklist of their daily routine. A visual checklist gives children a clear, structured routine that they can follow independently. Laminating it allows them to reuse the daily routine and adds a touch of permanence, showing them that this is an expected part of their day. By including a morning, after school and nighttime routine, you're setting them up for success in managing their time and responsibilities. This helps them stay organized and reduces the need for repeated reminders. Over time, they gain confidence and feel a sense of accomplishment as they check off each task, fostering responsibility and self-sufficiency.
Speaker 2:Number 14. Don't make decisions on discipline when you're in an emotional state. When you're upset, our judgment can be clouded and our reactions may be more intense than necessary. Take a moment or two to calm down before deciding on a disciplinary response. This allows you to approach the situation rationally and respond in a way that's fair, measured rather than reactive. If needed, seek advice from a trusted friend, family member, youth pastor or professional. It's a sign of strength to ask for support. Parenting doesn't come with a manual and sometimes getting another perspective can provide clarity. This approach helps prevent regrets and strengthens your bond with your child by modeling self-regulation.
Speaker 2:Number 15. Engage in playful interactions. Fun and play are powerful ways to bond with your child and create positive memories. Take every opportunity to be playful, joke around, play silly games and share laughter. These light-hearted interactions can help them see you as a safe, approachable figure and not just an authoritarian figure. Play can diffuse tension, build trust and strengthen your connection. It also teaches kids that relationships can be enjoyable, which helps foster emotional health and resilience. Embracing these playful moments shows them that life includes joy, humor and love.
Speaker 2:Number 16. Take your child seriously. What might seem trivial to you as an adult may feel monumental to a child. When they're upset, it's often about something that matters very deeply to them in that moment. By taking their concerns seriously, you show respect for their experiences and emotions, making them feel valued and understood. This validation can prevent them from escalating their frustration or anger to get your attention. When a child knows that you'll listen, they're more likely to come to you calmly with future concerns and more open to listen to what you have to say. Respecting their feelings, even when you don't fully understand them, strengthens your connection and trust.
Speaker 2:Number 17. Take actions that will gain a beneficial reaction. Children often mirror the behavior of the adults around them. If you raise your voice, they're likely to respond in kind, but if you remain calm, speak confidently and maintain self-control, they're more likely to react. Similarly, your calmness serves as a model of how to handle challenging situations, teaching them emotional regulation and effective communication skills. By choosing calm and constructive, responsive, you set the tone for respectful interaction and encourage positive reactions from them, which creates a more harmonious and cooperative environment.
Speaker 2:Number 18. Speak simply and be willing to repeat yourself. Keep your language straightforward and avoid overwhelming your child with lengthy explanations. When you simplify what you're saying, they're more likely to understand and remember it. Children may need repetition to fully process and internalize what's being communicated, especially in a tense situation. Rather than lecturing, which can lead to resistance, be concise and repeat the key points as necessary. This clear, direct approach makes it easier for them to grasp what you're asking and reinforces the expectations, without feeling like they're being scolded or overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:Number 19. Gum, suckers and fidgets are all calming. Simple sensory items like gum and lollipops or fidget toys can help kids manage stress or anxious feelings. The sensory experience helps them focus and self-soothe, providing a small but effective tool to calm them down and stay grounded. When kids feel more in control of their emotions, they're better able to focus, listen and respond to you. Offering these items during difficult times can be a helpful strategy for emotional regulation, making it easier for them to feel at ease and communicate with you.
Speaker 2:Number 20. Keep consequences simple. Clear, manageable consequences help reinforce expectations without overwhelming your child. For most infractions, a short-term grounding or temporary removal of a privilege is enough to make a point without causing a long-term resentment. Limiting consequences to two to three days for most offenses allows children to learn from their mistakes without feeling hopelessly excessively punished. When consequences are reasonable, kids are more likely to accept them and think about their actions. For more serious offenses, longer-term consequences may be appropriate, but taking everything away from a child can lead to feelings of despair or rebelliousness. By balancing consequences with fairness, you help guide them in making better choices without damaging the sense of hope or motivation.
Speaker 2:Number 21. Kids need to find belonging and achievement. Belonging and success are vital for a child's sense of identity and confidence. Help them get involved in an activity where they can connect with others, make friends and experience small wins. This could be a club, a sports team, a hobby group or a class that interests them. Start with something manageable and not too challenging so they can feel successful early on. That will boost self-esteem and motivation. Finding a place where they feel accepted and can achieve will foster resilience, a sense of purpose and help them feel supported, all of which are crucial for their emotional growth.
Speaker 2:Number 22. Lots of forgiveness and gentle coaching. Children may be emotionally or developmentally younger than their chronological age, especially if they face challenges or trauma. This means they may struggle with things that other kids their same age may find easier. Offer forgiveness when they stumble and gently guide them forward by saying in the future, here's a better way to handle this. Active forgiveness combined with patient coaching shows them that they're loved and valued, despite their mistakes. This approach encourages them to keep on trying and learn from setbacks and gradually develop the skills and maturity they need without feeling ashamed or hopeless.
Speaker 2:Number 23, trust the process. Attachment work takes time. Building relationships take time. I've heard it said that for each year a child is chronologically, it may take a month of consistent, felt safety and meeting their needs for that relationship to change and deepen. This means that even with steady, loving support, progress may feel slow. Trusting this is a process can help you remain patient and hopeful, especially on days when progress seems very small. Relationship builds gradually as your child feels more secure, learns to trust and experiences consistency. Embracing this pace can prevent frustration and allows you to focus on creating positive moments and reinforcing the bond every day.
Speaker 2:Number 24. Remember rules without relationship equals rebellion, and relationship without rules equals chaos. A balanced home environment requires both structure and connection. When rules are enforced without relationships, kids can feel resentful and rebel, perceiving you as an authoritarian. If your home feels strict, focus more on building trust and connection through shared activities that both you and your child enjoy, and let them see your genuine interest in them. On the other hand, if your home lacks structure and feels chaotic, it may be a sign that boundaries have been too relaxed. Kids need limits to feel secure and respected, and it's essential to assert your role as an authority with warmth. A healthy balance of rules and relationship creates a safe, loving environment where they feel valued but also understand your expectations.
Speaker 2:And then, number 25, take care of yourself. Use a self-care plan. Parenting requires resilience and patience, and self-care is an essential way to maintain these qualities. If you don't already have a self-care plan, prioritize creating one that includes activities and practices that help you recharge and manage stress. This might mean scheduling of time for exercising, hobbies, socializing or simply quiet time. Taking care of your own needs makes you better equipped to support your child with patience and compassion. Self-care is not selfish. It's an investment in your well-being and your ability to-care is not selfish. It's an investment in your well-being and your ability to parent effectively. By keeping your tank full, you're setting a positive example for your child and ensuring that you can be present and engaged.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to these 25 principles of brain-based parenting.
Speaker 2:I hope these strategies have offered you fresh insights and practical tools for building a stronger, more connected relationship with your child. These points centered around safety, predictability, empathy and respect, and they're here to remind us that parenting is both a science and an art. By committing to patience, understanding and consistency, you're giving your child a foundation of trust, resilience and love that will support them throughout their life. To finish up, I want to extend my deepest gratitude to each one of you for tuning in and sharing these conversations and for helping make our first year such an incredible success. It's truly been a privilege to connect with families across the globe who are passionate about their children's growth and well-being. As we look forward to the next year, I invite you to continue this journey with us. Share the podcast with a friend, dive deeper into the principles that resonate with you and reach out to us and let us know what topics would be most helpful to Brain Based Parenting. You might have to loan out your front of lobes today and this next year. Just remember to always get them back.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.
