From Daily Rhythms To Lasting Faith: How Parents Shape A Christ-Centered Family

What does a Christ-centered home actually look like on a Tuesday night when everyone is tired, schedules are packed, and a tough conversation is waiting at the door?

Our guests show why modeling matters more than speeches: kids may forget our words, but they remember our ways. You’ll hear how humble apologies, do-overs, and one-on-one repair reflect the gospel better than perfectionism, and why relationship must outrun compliance when behavior gets hard. We also dig into practical tools for spiritual formation: creative Scripture touchpoints on mirrors and in margins, music that starts faith talks, and simple questions that help kids name where they see God at work.

Culture and media don’t have to be a battlefield. Learn how to teach discernment without fear, set loving boundaries, and invite honest questions while affirming biblical authority. We explore the vital role of the local church as a partner—not a substitute—for discipleship, and the power of mentors and community when parenting feels heavy. If past mistakes weigh you down, take heart: the gospel offers rest, restoration, and a fresh start today. We close with curated resources—books, apps, music, and films—to help you curate a home where truth and grace meet.

Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a review to help more families find hope and practical tools for building a Christ-centered home.

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Transcript

Welcome And Panel Introductions

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

Faith-Shaping Media From Childhood

SPEAKER_04 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to talk about a question we get a lot. How do you create a Christ-centered home?

SPEAKER_05 0:34

To do that today, I'm joined by This is Amy Lawless, and I'm a house parent here at Boys Ranch.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

And I'm Rocky Lawless, House Parent here at Boys Ranch. My name is Ray Martinez, and I would serve as a senior chaplain here at Cal Farley's Boys Ranch.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

And I'm John Hazel, Vice President for Youth Services here.

SPEAKER_04 0:50

All right, so let's kick off with our question of the day. So since we're talking about Christ-centered home, what media did you have as a kid that encouraged your faith walk?

SPEAKER_05 0:58

There was none.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Yeah. That was I think for me, we were, I guess, taken to church every time the doors were open. And even though there wasn't like movies really that were quality movies and stuff like that, we were discipled there at church on Wednesdays and Sundays, and then even other times. And so I think that had a big impact on my faith walking.

SPEAKER_03 1:24

Yeah. I was thinking just about print media. You know, of course the Bible, but also discipleship books. I remember having actually before school, during middle school, we would have a devotional Bible study time. We were able to do that. So we did have some things like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Yeah, for me, it would be like rocky. It'd be church. Church would be where you would watch the Christian movies. Those that were out seemed to be a bit limited compared to today, but uh the media, the music would have been at church as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

That's what I was gonna say. The music concerts, Christian concerts. Any any concerts standout to you from well, when I was in college, Petra. Yeah, they actually came to my college and I helped them set up and got to eat with them, and it was a really neat experience.

SPEAKER_05 2:07

Yeah, music definitely. Music was a big impact with my mom involved, playing piano organ, singing, going with singing tours. So yeah, the Christian music was a big influence, and going to Christian concerts, you know, was a big influence.

Defining A Christ-Centered Home

SPEAKER_04 2:22

Yeah. So I was a child of the 80s, so I was big into Salty, the singing songbook, and McGee and Me and Adventures in Odyssey. Those are my those are my childhood shows to listen to. All right. So when we talk about creating a Christ-centered home, what does that mean biblically and practically in the day-to-day life of a family?

SPEAKER_03 2:40

The Search Institute put some research out for things that help families make it through and weather difficult times. And some of those things always go seem to go right hand in hand with spiritual disciplines, like, you know, quality time, family time together, community support, i.e., church attendance, that kind of stuff, are things that can really help support a family and and help them to thrive and and be be able to do well when things are difficult.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yeah, for for me it it's choosing to shape the the rhythms of a home under the guidance of scripture. That would be more of the Christ-centered home, under the authority of scripture or or related to scripture and how Christ lived his life, and how does that how is that modeled in our day-to-day rhythms and actions and interactions throughout today? To me, that would be a a the definition of a Christ-centered home. What is that?

SPEAKER_01 3:36

And and as you said that, Ray, you touched on the on the fact that we're instructed all through the Bible. And so I was looking at some of those, and even some that we've kind of gotten away from. In Deuteronomy 6, it says to keep God's word in your heart, to keep it in your mind. And then not to just leave it there, but to teach those that that are in your care, whether it's your kids or whether it you're with somebody else, to teach that as you walk, as you lay down. And and so we're we're instructed to be able to not only hide words' word in our heart, but then to teach it to those around us.

Teaching Faith Amid Uncertain Outcomes

SPEAKER_02 4:12

So another verse that comes to mind would be Proverbs 22, 6 direct your child in the right path, and when they're older, they will not leave it. So we are instructed, yeah, to teach, to introduce. That that's a big part of a Christ-centered home, is you're really introducing Christ to kids.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

As you were reading that verse, it made me think about I don't think that verse is necessarily saying that your kids are gonna be perfect and do everything you want them to do right now, and there may be a season where in fact it looks like they are running from what you're trying to teach them. But at some point, the prayer is that God's gonna bring them back and restore them.

Modeling, Grace, And Do-Overs

SPEAKER_05 4:51

And a good example is I was telling the guys before we got started about receiving a text message from a kid. And one of the things Rocky and I have had to learn with learn in this is you you teach those basics in a Christ-centered home the best you can. And you have to remember that you're not in control of the results. And so when these kids leave and you don't see that, then you might get that text later, like I did this morning, asking a big question about faith. So we have to remember that too, that just because we don't see it immediately, it doesn't mean that it's not gonna happen later. And that has also happened with our own children that biologically, you know, you go through that, but especially with these kids in care, because it's so foreign to them. And so a lot of times you just pour, pour, pour into it and you don't see it for a long time.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

Amy touched on just that idea of control and how in a Christ home, if we give up control to God for the results, for our efforts, then that's where the peace comes in. Where you can have some peace in the midst of the storms because we don't have control over that.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

So, how critical is parent parental modeling and disciplining children, and how can parents faithfully lead, even while acknowledging their own need for grace and growth? I'm reminded of my nano.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

And how she was quietly, when I walked by her room, the door was open, and she sat in her little rocking chair that my brother has today, reading her Bible for praying. And just that, she didn't beat me over the head with the Bible, she didn't do any of that stuff, but by her example of daily meeting with God, it made a huge impact on my life. And there's other other instances as well, but that really made an impact just to see her commitment to at that time to a God that I thought, well, are you really there? And she met with him every single day.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

I think modeling is is critical to this uh Christ-centered home or atmosphere. Uh kids will not kids will not always remember what we say, but they will remember how we live. And so it's living out the gospel, it's model modeling the gospel of Christ uh in action, in word, and in the way the grace that we extend the the do-overs, whatever you want to call those things, it's uh it's it's modeling and living out the gospel every single day, aligning with the teaching of scripture and the truth, but align in that with modeling what does that even look like?

SPEAKER_03 7:22

And I think also our willingness to receive feedback from our kids about maybe how we are living. Because sometimes my kids can tell me things that maybe I think I'm living a certain way. Yeah, and they remind me maybe I'm not completely living that way. But our ability to really connect with them and and relate with them so that they see that we're real and we don't and that helps, you know, our expectations be realistic also in that you can be real and you can make mistakes and still be desiring to follow God and to put him first.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

So, how does repentance, humility, and asking forgiveness from our children reflect the gospel and point them towards Christ rather than away from him?

Repentance And One-On-One Repair

SPEAKER_05 8:02

I think in the day-to-day relationship, not that Rocky and I have things figured out, but one thing that we have learned is in building that relationship when we we try our best that when we've made the mistake or we've said something wrong, taking that kid one-on-one and apologizing and having that that conversation. And we always expect them to have a redo and we want them to repent and be humble. But again, if we're not creating that and showing how to do it, then they're not gonna do it. And sometimes it's really hard because you are really upset and mad and you don't want to go apologize. But every time, every time God steps in and you can see the the grace and you can see the and you know, that specific kid, it still may take a couple of times, but sometimes that's all it took for them to then find that trust because we're being real and honest the best we can.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

And I think you kind of start to see their walls come down and their resistance comes down and they start to open up.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Yeah, repentance and humility, asking for forgiveness, those though those things are so so important for for us as the parents to practice ourselves. It's it's hypocritical to expect, like Amy was saying, to expect kids to do it, but yet we don't practice it ourselves. And it goes back to the modeling question: how do we model these things? And so repentance, humility, and forgiveness. I I think a big piece of that, it just reminds us as parents, as the adults, that we're human, that we're not perfect. We need humility would mean that we we acknowledge our need for God in this particular call. And and we need a lot of forgiveness in this because we're not going to get it right every single time. We're just humans.

Building Daily And Weekly Rhythms

SPEAKER_04 9:49

What daily and weekly spiritual rhythms such as prayer, scripture reading, and faith conversations help ground a family in Christ while remaining intentional and meaningful?

SPEAKER_02 9:58

I believe it it comes to the rhythms of a home schedule, is is so so important, particularly if you are in a busy season of life, whatever season that may be, sports, dance recitals, whatever that may be may be happening for your particular kiddos, the rhythms are are vital to sustain and to keep weekly because they will get choked out just because you're busy, but also because you're just physically tired. You're exhausted to pray. You're you're just too tired to take the time to pause and read scripture or pray, like I mentioned a minute ago, pray with your kiddos before bed or in the morning, those kinds of things. So it it it takes a rhythm in order to for those kinds of things to be uh held up, honestly. And it's not easy. It is not easy by no means.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Yeah, I agree with that. Those those rhythms, and I think also I have to be real mindful myself about being distracted and really being intentional about taking the opportunities when events happen, we see things in in a movie or on TV, on news, and making sure to have a conversation about that and what that means and what maybe what we believe about that as a family, just to help that spiritual formation in them and to impart things that they need that are important for their growth and their development.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Yeah, I would I would even uh challenge parents not not to be timid or afraid to to ask faith questions to our kiddos. Yeah, they're thinking about those things, even if you don't have it all figured out you do not have to have it all figured out because we don't. But engaging, engaging with those kinds of questions, for example, there there's a question I've asked my kiddos. Uh, is there any is there anything interesting that you're reading in your Bible right now? That's a good question. Or where is God right now? That that's that was a uh depending on the season of of kid of my kiddos' lives, it's it's do you do you sense God? Do you feel like God is close? Is he near? Is God in and out? Is God far away right now? And here's a here's a very just weekly check-in, daily almost, where have you noticed God lately? Where are you seeing God's activity right now? And so don't be afraid to ask your kiddos faith questions.

Asking Kids Better Faith Questions

SPEAKER_01 12:05

I think as we do that also, a a question I ask them is how are you and God getting along? Yeah, but also letting them know, even in your personal quiet time, in your personal prayer when it's just you and your spouse or you alone, you let them know what you're doing. Say, hey, I I just want you to know I prayed for you last night or or whatever. And then that sometimes will bring up questions that you can get into a rhythm of, okay, then let's let's show you what that what that means whenever. Well, what do you what do you even pray about? What do you you know, because they'll start asking questions about even your personal time with God.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Yeah, and and sharing, you know, what you feel like God's trying to teach you right now. There you go. Just be a little bit more vulnerable with that and being okay with not, like we talked about not having all the answers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

It is it is okay for a difficult question to be asked and for the parent or the adult to say, that's a really good question. I don't know the answer to that one. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I I think if anything, it should challenge us as adults and to Okay. Maybe I need to do some more study on whatever the question is.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

To show them how to problem solve. That's right. There you go. And how to figure things out by saying, hey, let's figure this out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:18

Well, and also show them the importance that you care about the answer. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. I'm gonna find out and I'll get back with you. You know, and that just strengthens that relationship too, and back to the trust and you know, how this falls into that.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Yeah, the the statement that that's a good question, it I think I think it it uh it creates this safety. Man, that you you're validating the question first of all, you're acknowledging that, which hopefully only encourages the kiddos to have to be okay and comfortable with asking more questions. Because, oh, mom and dad or whoever just said that's a good question. That that's very, very helpful when that dialogue, when we're when we're having conversations with kiddos about faith.

SPEAKER_04 13:58

So, how can parents intentionally weave biblical truth into everyday moments so faith becomes a lived reality, not just a Sunday activity?

SPEAKER_01 14:05

That's a good one because I have challenged myself on memorizing more scripture. And so I share that with the kids. Hey, here's another scripture I've learned. It and that again brings up questions as well. How how do you do that? How do you we memorize songs, we memorize quotes from other people, and if we're gonna be Christ-like, Christ-centered, whether in our homes, in our organizations, then we must hide God's word in our heart. And so uh let them know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Yeah, I I would say a big piece. I'm so challenged by this. My wife is does an incredible job. Um, think about this. Think of be being creative when it comes to allowing God's word to speak and these kinds of things. My wife will always write on the kids' mirrors. Uh-huh. These these words of truth, these these little quotes, I love you. I'm proud of you. God is with you today. You do not you don't have to fear. And and think about this. Be creative when it comes to these opportunities because kiddos are gonna look in the mirror. Most will look in the mirror every single day. So why not be creative about that? We'll just put a little note up here because I know you're gonna go to that mirror and guess what's happening? And we're not asking our kiddos, hey, are you reading those notes? No, no, they are reading everything that is on their mirror every single day. Second thing that I would encourage, and we and we've done this uh when our kiddos get new Bibles. Uh, my son just got a new Bible for Christmas. Uh, my wife and I, we've been we'll sneak in and take his Bible and we will highlight verses and we'll write notes in there, words of truth about. And and the the the biggest blessing last week went to my son's room, his Bible was open to two highlighted portions that my wife had highlighted. It just it it just thank you, God, uh, for those moments. So those are very practical ways that you can instill truth, biblical truth in everyday moments so that faith becomes a living reality. But be creative with those things. Think outside the box when it comes to to how to how to go about doing those kinds of things.

SPEAKER_05 16:01

I've done that with music, and certain songs will speak to me about a specific kid, and then I'll go that night and say, Hey, you need to look this one up and listen to it, you know. And so that's been really cool to have those conversations later about and then it in some ways it causes them to be interested in a different kind of music than what they've listened to. So you're hoping that that will create a well, hey, this is pretty good stuff. This isn't, you know.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

And I think also just trying to help them discern what the truth is in any given situation, whatever that might be, because our emotions can lead us down an untrue path. And so really helping to bring about, you know, what's really true in a situation. We may feel a certain way, but what's the truth? And so just helping them discern that can help them have a better understanding about how to act and how to respond to situations.

Truth, Media, And Discernment

SPEAKER_02 16:54

Yeah, we may not realize the our kiddos are listening to so they're consuming so much content between podcasts and and music artists and and short reels or whatever you call all those things, they're they're constantly being consumed with all of that. And so uh it's it's it's vital. It is so important for us in a Christ-centered home to make sure as John has mentioned that we're we're implementing the truth, which is God's word in the middle of all of this. And the voices are, I say this often, the the voices may be loud, the content may be much, but God's word is true. God's word is true, and and we can trust that, we can hold on to that. Uh, we don't have to fear, you know, whether consuming X amount of hours with this, and they're only going to church an hour and a half every Sunday. Are we winning or losing the battle? Fear is not of the Lord, obviously, and I think it's natural for us to fear those things, but God's word is true. And so biblical truth will outlast all of social media. It will outlast everything on planet Earth. God's word is God's word, and it can be trusted.

SPEAKER_04 18:00

So, what role do loving relationships and intentional engagement play in helping children develop a genuine heart-level faith rather than just a mere outward compliance?

Relationship Over Compliance

SPEAKER_05 18:09

I wrote this uh the other day after we found out about this podcast and just kind of felt like God, I mean, it's been speaking to me specifically for a while, but the verse that's so important, you know, the greatest commandment love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. The one thing is we I don't think we can fully, fully understand God's love for us until we meet him face to face. I don't think we have that capacity. But if I can show a love that can only come from him, and I'm doing this as my ministry here at Boys Ranch, I'm hoping I'm doing what he's intended for me to do, for them to first see that love. Because we see in our line of work that until we can touch their heart and them know that we love them unconditionally, a lot of times it's just it we feel useless. But that's been something really heavy, is just for me, just the primary goal of as much as I can show them the kind of love that God truly, truly has for us.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Yeah, I really think relationship is everything. I think that's one of the things, you know, in my parenting, my boys, I try to always be mindful of is that my relationship with them is more important than their compliance at that moment. And if I can put it in that terminology or in that perspective, then hopefully I can help get through that situation because I'm really in it for the long haul and not the moment. And so I think, you know, the story of the Bible is one of love and relationship and God's relationship with us. And it's interesting. Recently, I've been doing some study around curiosity. And it's it's really interesting how many times God and Jesus ask questions, yeah. You know, and how that's kind of a model for us to be curious with our kids, with our family members, our spouses, because that's an avenue to build relationships with them. And and it's an avenue to help teach. And so it's just inner, I really believe the relationship piece is really important. And anytime we're having difficulties with kids and parenting, you know, and we have to increase structure or we have to increase limits, then we really have to increase our relational time to match that or even even greater so that we reinforce our care for them and our our desire to to belong with them and be with them. Yeah, because if if you that's a great point, John.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

If you if we don't do that as the parent role or parent or the adult, we can easily create a lot of confusion when it comes to even the relationship between God and us. And that's modeled through our parenting, right? And it's not perfect, God is perfect, and so uh that that relationship piece, that that is that is most important. And it's good, it's a reminder to us. Isn't it good to know that God is even closer, even if we feel like he's further away from us? Those difficult, hard seasons as adults, that God is actually actually more present. We just we need to be more aware of that, and so we get to model that for kiddos, our kids. It's like, you know what, you may be struggling right now. Mom and dad, we're just gonna love you more right now.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Is that there are times where we may think our kids don't want a relationship with us. Yeah. And that's when we really got to get back to that truth. The truth is they do. That's right. And they do want that connection with you, no matter your situation. And and lots of things can get into that and interfere with that. But the truth is they want a relationship with you.

unknown 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

And so that's why if we are intentional about our relationship with them over the long haul, eventually, hopefully they come back to that.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Back to Proverbs. That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_04 21:50

So, how can parents create a home where children are encouraged to ask questions about faith while still affirming the authority of Scripture and biblical truth?

Safe Questions And Scriptural Authority

SPEAKER_03 21:57

Aaron Powell, one of the things that just came to mind is just being okay with. Questions with even if they're questions you know are way off base, it's just being okay with them because God is big enough to accept all that and and hold all that.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

Yeah, and and a heads up if you haven't experienced this yet, look around culturally. There, there's all there's all the hot topics of the day, and it'd be foolish to assume that our kiddos are not thinking about those things. And so through relationship, through God's word, hopefully they're come they're they're coming to us asking those questions. Okay, mom and dad, what do you think about this? Because because we have we we have a bigger voice than we realize when it comes to raising our kiddos. And so they they're gonna want so it's it's good, it's good introspect for us to look inward. Okay, where where am I at on these hot topics about things? Because they may come, they may come up so that you're not caught off guard, and it's nothing to be afraid of, but just some awareness of those questions that may arise and probably will come. And if not, maybe maybe you take a gamble and you ask your kiddo the question first, your own children, and just see where they're at about things in the world today.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Well, sometimes our past experiences may cause us to struggle with with certain topics, whatever they are. And I think it's okay to be okay with just saying, hey, that's a that's a difficult thing for me. That's right. Being honest. And one that I'm working on.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Yeah, and I and I think even with that, here here's an important piece to me is when when when my kiddos have asked difficult questions, it's it's not for me to be reactive. It it is so easy for me to just react to whatever the kiddo asks, and it's like, oh no, my kiddo's thinking whatever, and now we're over, we're just ridden with so much fear. And it's like, okay, hopefully, because of our own prayer rhythms, our own time with God, our own time in Scripture, we are settled when it comes to these moments. These are incredible opportunities to be able to have these kinds of conversations with our kiddos. They're gifts, actually. It is a gift to be able to do this. So, so don't fear and and just be careful of our own stuff when it comes to some of these topics that may arise, these difficult questions that may arise. Just be just have some, hopefully, some prayerful awareness of where you're at yourself.

SPEAKER_03 24:09

Yeah, and grace with yourself. There you go. But you don't have all the answers.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

Nobody has all the answers.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

We're not always going to get it right.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Our pastor one time he said he said, I want you all to think of the Bible and think of all the stories in the Bible and think of one parent in the Bible who is a good parent. And you really can't, I mean, you really can't think of any. God is bigger than what our parenting skills and our past did. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_05 24:34

I was just thinking of just an instance that came up last night, you know, when you're looking at an 18-year-old that's asking about going to somebody to ask for forgiveness. And you know, we think these kids, you know, we our children learn this at five or six, ten years old sometimes, and then they're asking these questions, but then being able to help him identify kind of where he might be in his heart for this question to be stirring in him. Trying to learn, that's what I'm still learning, you know, learning how to kind of change my answer to help him realize something else that could be going on in his heart.

Preparing Kids For Culture Without Fear

SPEAKER_04 25:10

All right. So that leads into how can parents equip children to engage culture, media, and peer influence through a biblical worldview without isolating them from the world.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

For me, I I think it all starts at at the home. It is that solid foundation, and and then you build from that. Again, if if they're they're being if they're experiencing God's love and grace and curiosity and all the things that we're talking about at home, I think that prepares them as they step out into the world, into culture, to school and wherever that may be. And we need not fear. The foundation is being laid and we're trusting. I think the big key for me is always to just, okay, God, I cannot go with my kids to school today, but you can. And God, I trust that. And so we have to relinquish some some of some of that uh authority or some of that fear-based, whatever it may be. We have to really give it to God and say, okay, God, I'm doing doing the work at home foundationally. So God, I just trust you as they engage in culture and they're just kids that they may mess up from time to time. They're kids. And and so, but building that foundation at it starts at home, and and and and as we do the best that we can by God's grace, they're gonna be okay as they step out into the world and culture and school and locker rooms, and the list goes on and on.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

During my workout this morning, I noticed on our on the whiteboard that somebody puts inspirational type quotes and stuff on there. And the one this morning was the secret to change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. One of the things I've kind of learned, I think, is is if I focus on my energy denying or trying to get rid of the negative, I'm gonna lose. If I focus my energy on building the the the what I want, the giving, the inputting, the love, the grace, the the the positive, then hopefully those habits change or those trying to trying to put more my effort on what I want than what I don't want. And what you focus on is what you get. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Yeah. It goes back to those first couple of questions, too. I mean, it really uh is is how we are living, what they're seeing, or they seeing Christ in us. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

So yeah. Yeah, and I think with that, uh a a piece I didn't mention, we accountability I think would be important. Is that that's an important word. Limits, boundaries, wh however you label those things. But it but accountability is not a bad thing. It's a it's a good thing. It helps shape our kids as they go out in the world and culture and school. But there there's accountability and there's love and accountability, I would say, with that as well. But I think just just limits, boundaries is really, really important when it comes to our own kiddos media and things like that and their influences. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

Well, and I don't think I definitely did not get everything right. I don't think I don't think we're gonna get everything right. There's just too much. Yeah. And so I think focusing on on the relationship piece, like we talked about, those other questions that we talked about, is what's gonna make the difference.

Church As Partner, Not Replacement

SPEAKER_05 28:07

That's why there's joy in being a grandparent.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Amen.

SPEAKER_05 28:12

Second round, another round.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

I also think it might be worthwhile to make sure you spend intentional time talking about these issues. Because if you don't teach them about these things, then the world will teach them. They only get maybe, like Ray said earlier, an hour and a half at church. The rest of the week they're with you. So you actually have more of an impact and influence and opportunity to talk about these things with your kids. So don't just assume they know these things. Take the time to have those intentional conversations.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

Aaron Powell Well, I do think it goes back to that relationship piece. And so if I have a strong enough or a good enough relationship with my son, then they're probably going to show me things that they see on social media, at least enough stuff so that we can have conversations about it and talk about it and help help them structure it in their mind.

SPEAKER_04 28:58

Aaron Powell So why is the local church essential in reinforcing what's being taught at home? And how can families partner with the church without outsourcing their God-given role of of discipleship?

SPEAKER_02 29:08

I think another way to ask that question is why why is church important? Or why what's the purpose of church? I think you start there and you work from that particular point. The church, for me, growing up in church most of my life, it at times it felt like punishment. It was the dread of like, oh man, we got to go to church. And and back in my day, we would go to church, you know, we'd have two Sunday services and we have a Tuesday Bible study, youth group on Wednesday, Wednesday night service. It was it was non-stop participating in this particular way. The local church, I think we had to have to ask that question. How do we frame church? Why is why do we do this thing? And helping our kiddos understand the intention and and why it's important will help them, hopefully, okay. This is just this is just what we do. Becomes one of those family rhythms. It's what we're gonna do every single Sunday. We do this as a family because it's important. And then then all the everything else we're talking about is reinforced. God's love and grace and curiosity and all those kinds of things. But the the local church is vital to say it can become a safe place where like-minded people, you know what I mean? You come together, and it's not about who's being a super Christian right now or a believer. It's really about just coming together and being reminded. We're not alone in the on this journey. And for this moment in time, we're actually gonna worship together as a family. We're gonna engage as a family. So the local church is is essential to reinforcing uh what we're trying to do at home every day.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

And it's also the the the number of quality, positive interactions that our kids have, and and that's one way we can help shape that and to help counteract those other inputs that are coming in. And and I think you know, research and everything else just shows that that people flourish more and thrive better when they are attending church and and having those kind of interactions.

Mentors And Community Support

SPEAKER_05 31:01

Your attitude in going reflects on your kids too, you know, even though it's stressful and you're busy and all that, but if you can continue to show the joy of going and the experience, then then we've been blessed with seeing our children so involved in church that there was something right in that church community that drew them to want to do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

We've talked a lot about relationship, and now you're offering them more relationships, more quality relationships to where when they go not to you, they're going to somebody that you trust. It's a partnership.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

So it's also an opportunity to see other people struggle.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

And using, you know, healthy, appropriate ways to work through that. And the opportunity to say, hey, I am not alone. I'm not the only one that thinks this or experienced this. Other people have, and they are doing things to to to do well. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_05 31:58

And just the evidence of look what God's done. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

So many miracles that we get to see because of the of the relationships we're building again. That's it's uh vital. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

What role can godly mentors, extended family, and mature believers play in supporting parents as they disciple their children?

SPEAKER_05 32:17

Well, one of the roles just just for Rocky and I, in our specific situation as house parents, is they may not have had that before. And we could be their first, you know, godly mentor. I'm I don't know how else to say that. And they So it is maybe the parent doesn't realize how important it is because they didn't have it. But they may see now that that was an important part of their child being here in this program at this time of having that. So yeah, mentors are important because sometimes your kids, how many times? I mean, Ray, you know this kids don't want to talk to you, but they're gonna go talk to the youth minister. That's right. Or they're gonna talk to their Sunday school teacher or whoever, you know. So yeah, it's imp a big deal.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

I was thinking about a a period of time in in my life with one of my kids where we were really struggling. I can think of a couple of different conversations I had with other people who had been through some similar stuff and how meaningful that was for me. Because it was almost like they were helping me carry that load. And so that burden was a little bit lighter. And if I am not reaching out and not having those interactions, the weight is always heavier and the struggle is is is much greater.

Hope For Discouraged Parents

SPEAKER_02 33:33

I I think having godly mentors, coaches, teachers, you the list goes on and on. It it it is a gift to our kiddos. Um like like Amy was saying, you know, they may not they may not always come to us, but hopefully they have some positive godly influences, influences in their lives, uh they'll they'll ask some questions, they'll they'll reach out. And and I think the the bigger picture of this is really is we we become the body of Christ. It's it's just it's bigger, and and I think it's a it's a reminder of staying humble that we can't parent alone. We need help in this area, and so trust community, trust church, trust the youth path, all those things because we be we get to become the body of Christ as we all all of us help shape and raise our kiddos under you know the guidance of scripture and things like that.

SPEAKER_05 34:22

And we as a parent, we don't need to feel guilty that we couldn't meet that need. Because sometimes we fall in that trap, then that that should have been me, or I'm not good enough. And and that's that's not the case. I think that's why God gives these that's again, we're back to community in that relationship. It's so so important. Yeah, very important.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Yeah, think think about this. If anyone listening to this, maybe maybe you have your your own kiddos, friends that like to be around you. What a gift. You get to be a part, uh, extend your your home to others and will and what an opportunity, not to preach at people, but just to love them well in the name of Christ. Model that, but but think be thinking about those kinds of things of the the the blessing and the opportunities when others want to be around you, want to be around your your your kids, and so you invite them to your homes, and oh it it's it's a it's a gift. It really is a gift, but but but be thinking that way as well. All right.

SPEAKER_04 35:21

So for parents who feel discouraged or burdened by past mistakes, how does the gospel offer hope, restoration, and a renewed vision for their leading their home towards Christ?

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Well, that's that's the gospel message. The gospel message is forgiveness, the gospel message is hope, the gospel message is peace, love, all those things that we're talking about in previous questions. That is the gospel message, and so we can offer some relief there. In the Bible, Matthew 11 says, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. What it's what it's not saying is don't use the the resources that are around you, like the local church, like your pastors, like your your Christian friends. That speaks every time of the gospel message, the forgiveness that God has for each one of us. So yeah, we it we're it we've got to be that kind of encouragement to those around us, and then we've got to receive that kind of encouragement from people around us.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

So yeah, for any any parent right now that may find himself discouraged, or there this is a difficult season of life right now as you're raising kids, want to share this with you. There is hope. There's there's hope because of the gospels Rocky's mentioning. We're not alone on this journey. And and I pray that you're able to reach out, ask somebody, find find a local pastor or uh a friend, somebody you can talk to, vent. Again, don't you were never intended to carry this this role alone. So take advantage of all the relationships that you have around you, but be encouraged. God is with you, God sees you, and and I just pray that you're able just to look look to God right now for this in this particular season. And it's just a season. Seasons have a beginning, seasons have an end, and it's good to know that God is with you right now in this season. So be encouraged.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

Yeah, the verse that comes to my mind that comes to my mind often is for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to give you a hope and a future. And so, and that was that came about during a really stressful time. And so God does have those plans for us. And I encourage everybody, just like you said, Ray, to fall back on these things and know that at some point you're gonna work your way through it.

Trusted Resources And Apps

SPEAKER_04 37:41

All right, so just to finish up, I was thinking back to our question of the day. Do you have any media that you would encourage our listeners to check out if they're looking for a safe, Christ-centered media to share with their families?

SPEAKER_01 37:50

There's there's so much out there now, and that's the good thing. Yes. There's there is so much more available for us now through different apps on your phone, whether it's a Bible app, whether it is just the story of some person in the Bible that we look up to. There's there's those kinds of things that are available for us to see, for us to get into with our families that that are quality.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

Yeah, I I have I mean, there I I'm a reader. So there are some books that that I've I found very helpful. One would be Habits of the Household by Justin Early. That was a great read about the different habits of your home, routine and rhythms. There's there's boundaries with kiddos, uh, with kids. Sorry, boundaries with kids. That's by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townshed. That's a great read as well. There's another book by Dr. Tim Clinton, Loving Your Child Too Much. And it helps with the boundaries and things like that. And and and one book that I read in college, it was phenomenal, is called The Family. This is by Jack Balswick and Judith Balswick. And this is a great read. It's a great resource for anyone. I'm just just wanting to look for just different resources that are available as far as the books. Uh that that's my world and my arena. So that's those are some suggestions I would have.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

For me personally, the common rule or the ruthless elimination of hurry to help with all that distraction. And also, there's just lots of lots of more quality movies out now that you can curate. That's a that's a word I've come to to know recently about curating positive media for the family and things that you can watch together and have those quality conversations about different things. So fortunately, there there's coming around to be a lot more than music and and I think the resurgence of faith right now in the country is is is becoming more evident. And so hopefully all that will buy.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

The latest research from Barna, I wish I should have brought the statistics. It's it's it's encouraging. Bible sales are at all-time high right now. The apps, the the biblical the Bible apps that are being downloaded are are increased. Christian music, the the the the listeners that are oh it it it is it is encouraging to see those kinds of trends, and and they're and they're trends. So you you don't base everything on those things, but they're helpful to kind of navigate and see culturally where things are at right now. So so faith is really, really a big deal for for our kiddos.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

A very, very big deal. It was interesting. Recently, the Bible app celebrated one billion downloads. Wow, that's crazy. One billion downloads, and it's got lots of great uh devotionals and studies for whatever you're going through on it. And it's free, you know, you just have to download it. So I think about social media as well.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

There's lots of negative things about social media, but there's a lot of good things too. So have conversations with your kids about some maybe good people to follow on social media. Shane Pruitt, Sadie Robinson Huff are good ones that I've shared with my daughters. And there's plenty more, I'm sure, that the it just have those conversations. I think that'll be a good way to direct them to that on social media so they're not just in the stew of bad.

Closing, Contact, And Organization Info

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Yeah, introduce new music to your kiddos. I feel like I feel like I hit the jackpot when I send my son a song suggestion on Spotify. He's like, Dad, that's a really good song. And I'm like, Yes, yes, I did it again. And and so so music is a big John was mentioning, it's that big, big piece of of our kiddos' worlds. And and so suggest. And and and when you when you hear your kid singing at the top of their lungs in the shower a worship song, and you're just like, Thank you, God, for the grace. Not that I'm perfect or that I've figured it this out, but God, thank you for the grace of this moment. And and I wouldn't, I don't think we talked about this. I would highly, highly encourage parents to start praying for your kids. Pray, pray, pray with them, but also for them throughout the day. If a kid, your kid is struggling right now, we have the greatest gift, that is God, that is prayer that we can go to God on behalf of our kids. Like, God, be with my kiddo today. And so, prayer, don't underestimate the the the power of prayer because it's it's a gift from God. It's another tool that we have as we as we parent our kiddos and and help sh raise them in the Lord.

SPEAKER_04 42:13

All right, thank you so much for joining us today. If you'd like to contact us and ask us a question, our email address is podcast at calfarly.org. I'll make sure I leave a link in the description. And as always, you might have to loan out your cortex today. Just make sure you remember and get it back.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about CalFarley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarly.org. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for CalFarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.