Teaching Kids To Solve Conflict

Conflict can either harden kids or grow them. We chose growth. We dig into the real moments families face—sibling spats, unfair playing time, heated classrooms, and comment-section pile-ons—and show how to turn each one into a brain-building rep. We start by naming our own defaults—fight, flight, or freeze—and then map what’s actually happening in a child’s brain when emotions spike, why logic fails in the heat of the moment, and how rhythm and regulation reopen the cortex for better choices.

From there, we get practical. You’ll hear how to avoid the most common parenting traps—rushing to fix, taking automatic sides, or praising “quiet” kids who are actually avoiding hard conversations. We break down I-statements that don’t attack, perspective-taking questions that reduce blame, and simple role plays that help kids rehearse language before it counts. We also share why some children escalate and others retreat, how mislabels like “defiant” or “manipulative” hide real needs, and what tailored coaching looks like for each temperament.

Sports and social media get their own time in the spotlight. We talk through staying composed from the stands, guiding kids to ask coaches for concrete feedback, and remembering that coachability matters as much as skill. Online, we outline safety-first boundaries, graduated access, and open-device checks that build trust and keep kids out of harm’s way—while teaching them to recognize bait, avoid groupthink, and log off when a thread turns toxic. Finally, we model apologies that carry ownership without shame and explain how forgiveness can include strong boundaries. The result: young people who can regulate, speak clearly, make amends, and carry these habits into adulthood.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who’s in the thick of big feelings, and leave a five-star review so more families can find these tools.

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Transcript

Welcome & Today’s Topic

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

Fight, Flight, Or Freeze

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Thanks for joining us today. Our topic is helping kids navigate conflict resolution.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

To do that today, I'm joined by Suzanne Wright, Vice President of Training and Intervention.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Taylor Halsey, Casework Supervisor. Shannon Morgan, Campus Life Supervisor.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

All right, so let's jump in with our question of the day. So what is your go-to response when it comes to conflict? Are you a fighter, a flighter, or a freezer?

SPEAKER_03 0:51

I'm a fighter. I hate to admit that, but when but when conflict is there, I think it it stemmed from being, you know, when I was young, I felt like I needed to stand up for myself, and I've never quite grown out of that.

SPEAKER_05 1:02

I am also a fighter. I do not apologize for that. You get what you get.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

I think I'm a freezer. I am definitely not a fighter, but I was trying to decide I couldn't. I probably am, but probably a freezer.

Why Kids Need Conflict Skills

SPEAKER_01 1:14

I'm a freezer as well. I just lock up every single time there's anything. So why is conflict not something we should eliminate for kids, but something we should teach them how to handle well?

SPEAKER_05 1:24

Aaron Powell So for me, I think conflict isn't something that we should eliminate because conflict itself isn't the issue. I think the inability and the lack of skills is the issue when they'll deal with conflict their whole lives.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

And so if you eliminate it, then once they're grown, they don't know how to handle it. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Aaron Powell, I think I read somewhere that people who trust each other have the most ability to have healthy conflict and that you trust that you can get through the conflict and trust that it's going to be okay. But just having the skills to navigate it, I think is the most important part of that.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

That's something we talk about. Had new teams where that will be an expectation that is set, like, hey, we're going to not get along, we're not always going to agree, as long as we can talk about it, then we can continue to function well as a team.

Common Parenting Pitfalls

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Aaron Powell So what might be some common mistakes parents make when stepping into their child's conflict?

SPEAKER_03 2:08

I think it's very common for parents to try and shield their children from conflict or to address the conflict rather than equipping the child to address the conflict.

SPEAKER_05 2:18

And I think like one of our responses a lot is don't do that, or like don't hit, don't throw things, don't take things. And we're kind of like just telling them not to do it rather than like what skill is missing in that moment.

SPEAKER_04 2:31

I think probably sometimes it just your first conflict is probably with your siblings, and you're probably fighting over the most ridiculous things. And so it's probably hard as a parent to step in and say, let's figure out this conflict in a positive way, instead of like Shanna said, not saying, Don't, because this is ridiculous, just go play.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

I I felt like that was a really hard skill to manage was when do you let your children work it out and when to step in and mediate for your kids, right? Sometimes they need to learn to work it out and sometimes they don't. And still I think it it can be challenging to understand what your best response as a parent should be in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

What do you think about parents who jump in and take their kids' side automatically every time and not get the big picture or the whole picture?

SPEAKER_03 3:14

I think that's detrimental re regardless, right? I think you always want to hear both sides. I've known, you know, situations where principal always backed the teacher. Conversely, a principal who always backed the student or the parent who was bringing the students' conflict. And and that's just never the right decision to have a standard rule that you'll always back one party or the other. I think you have to listen to both sides and help help both parties navigate a resolution.

Taking Sides Vs Hearing Both

SPEAKER_05 3:42

But I think if you're not teaching them like how to navigate that and that, hey, you're not always right. Like sometimes you're gonna be in the wrong, like how exhausting to have to constantly be in that cycle, right? Because if you don't teach them the skill of being able to be wrong or like have the hard conversation and deal with the conflict, like it's just the cycle that continues, and that's exhausting.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

So, what is happening in a child's brain and body during conflict that makes problem solving so hard in the moment?

Brain States During Conflict

SPEAKER_03 4:07

So, generally, in the middle of a conflict, we are in our emotional brains, in our in our limbic system. So we're very focused on feelings like anger or frustration or sadness, but that's not the part of our brain that that helps us problem solve. That part of our brain is our cortex, and that's where rational thought lives. That's where you can consider both both sides of the argument and see a pathway forward. And so when you're when you're in the part of your brain where emotions live, it's really hard to access that thinking part of your brain. And and if the other person is also in their emotional brain and the adult who steps in to help is in their emotional brain, then you have no rational thought processes available to make the situation less emotional and calmer.

SPEAKER_04 4:53

I think it's just uncomfortable to have those big feelings too, of if you're that upset and you're, let's add on, you don't have the skills because you're a child, and so then you're crying or you're yelling or whatever it is. Nobody wants, nobody likes those feelings. So you add on top of you, you can't get to that logical part, but then also inside your body just it feels icky, you're crying, your nose then gets stopped up, all of those things.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

When I think like the opposite, Suzanne had said, and then the adult who steps in, if they're in their emotional side, but then I think sometimes as the adult, when we step in, we're not in the emotional side, but then our response is like, hey, like stop doing that, or use your words you know better. When like the child literally doesn't have the ability to do that because that's not where they're at. And so we're trying to use logic to get them out of it when their brain doesn't know how to do those things right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

So how do temperament and personality affect how kids approach conflict? Things like kids who are avoiders or escalators.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

I think some people naturally avoid conflict. Both you and Taylor said you're avoiders, right? That that's just part of your temperament, that you I have a relative who just puts her head in the sand to avoid conflict, right? She just would rather not know it exists. And then other people, I guess like Shanna and I are wired to address it head on. I think some of that is, you know, how do you see your family members as you grow up address conflict? And then I I do think, you know, that our temperament impacts that as well, our nature and nurture.

Temperament: Avoiders And Escalators

SPEAKER_05 6:22

When I think I don't like that I think I fall in the category of the escalator, but I think I do because when I look at it, like, so if there's an issue, I feel like as the escalator, it's hey, let why won't you talk to me about it? Like just talk about it, let's talk about it. And then the avoiders are like, hey, why are you attacking me? I think that means I fall into the escalator side. And I don't I think one m moves towards conflict and then one's moving away from it. And I don't know that either are necessarily wrong.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

I think I think that both people are uncomfortable with conflict, but avoiders are uncomfortable in addressing it. And escalators are people who realize if I don't address it, it will only get worse or it will only continue. So we're uncomfortable, we just approach resolution from two different pathways.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Well, and I think for me as someone who isn't as quick to I I wouldn't consider myself an escalator, but do like to resolve the conflict of I need a second to process what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. And I can't, I think Shanna is better at in that moment. She can have all of her thoughts organized and address the problem. And I need a minute to take in everything and then I can and come to you. So if somebody were to be an escalator right as the conflict is happening, I'm not going to handle it well because I haven't had a time chance to process it.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Mm-hmm. I wonder about when it are addressing kids who have these different things, like when we hand out consequences, what do we typically do to the avoiders and what do we typically do to the escalators? And why do you think that that's is that important, or do you think there's a difference?

SPEAKER_05 7:49

I was thinking about that just now because I was trying to figure out. And I think like it's important for us as adults. Like if we don't understand the temperament, then I think we like mislabel them. And so I'm think like an escalator, right? Like we would look at them like they're just being aggressive or they're disrespectful or defiant, and then avoiders. I don't know that I have a lot of avoiders, but like, right, they're passive or manipulative because they're not trying to have the conversation.

SPEAKER_04 8:13

Well, I think we miss things with the avoiders more. I think the kids who can fly under the radar and don't get into the mix of it. We are like, oh, look how well they're so compliant, they're not causing any problems. But really, probably the escalators are learning better skills because we say see them blow up and say, hey, yeah, you can talk to that person, but this is how you do it. And the avoider, we're like, thanks so much for not yelling at anybody instead of all teaching them how to have a conflict.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

So, how can we teach kids to express their feelings without attacking them or the other person?

SPEAKER_05 8:40

I think that this is probably one of the most like important skills that we can teach. Because I don't think that most kids attack because they're wanting to be cruel. I think they attack because they are, you know, escalate something because they don't know how to handle the situation. They don't know how to handle the hurt or the disappointment.

Mislabeling Behavior And Consequences

SPEAKER_03 8:57

We usually suggest that people use I statements, right? When you do this, I feel rather than you're making me so angry, right? You hurt my feelings. When you say my shoes are ugly, you hurt my feelings, right? And so that can be that can be one way. I think it's also important when we when we talk to kids about what they're angry about, that we we get them to think about what it well, what do you think the other person was thinking? What do you think the other person's goal was? When they said that and it made you angry, what what do you think their intent was? Did they mean to make you angry? Like helping them start to see the other person's perspective in any conflict is really important.

SPEAKER_04 9:34

I think a lot of it is modeling too of I have had to tell kids, hey, I'm not in a good spot right now, I can't have this conversation with you right now, and telling them like I don't want to have a bad conversation, so you have to give me a minute, and then turning around and respecting that when they tell you the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

So, what does it look like to coach a kid rather than rescue them when they're in conflict?

SPEAKER_03 9:53

Yeah, my kids my kids are grown now, but when they were younger, I would always, you know, after we've had this conversation about what the conflict looks like and what you could do, I'll encourage them to address it themselves, right? If this is a conflict with another kid in school, you need to talk to that, that other kid. If that doesn't resolve it, then you need to loop in an adult, right? Then you need to bring a teacher into the issue. If that doesn't resolve it, then I'll be glad to step in and go with you. But I wanted to empower them to start to resolve that situation on their own. It's it's what was said early on. If we don't teach them these skills while they're in our care, then they have no skills to take with them into adulthood.

Teaching “I” Statements And Perspective

SPEAKER_04 10:32

We had an instance with a kid recently. He's really struggling with this one teacher, and they just, I don't know if it's a personality conflict. There's it it's just not going super well. And he had thought he tried to address it, and the way he went about it was he would he didn't understand, and I understand why the teacher was upset. He didn't, the words he used were very accusatory and it wasn't what he was trying to talk about. And so we tried to have a meeting with the teacher, and she didn't really get back to us, and eventually it was he had to make a decision of are you going to kind of change your behavior and we're going to deal with this and just you know this is gonna be hard and you're gonna have to be on your best behavior and this is how it's gonna go, or we can continue to push it, but he was worried things were gonna get worse. And so I think it is to just helping them see that it's not all cookie-cutter and it's not all the conflict may not resolve exactly how we want it to, and how do we react to that? I think it's hard because you want everything to have a nice bow on it for kids, and that's not realistic.

SPEAKER_05 11:22

I do think at times like it's easy to just want to rescue because rescuing stops the conflict. But then wanting, like we wanted you wanted to coach him to get through that because that builds the skill. Because the conflict is gonna be there all the time, no matter I mean, even if that conflict ends, there's going so I feel like we have that conversation a lot of hey, you're when kids want to move homes because they're having a lot of conflict here. Okay, so what do we do to help you work through the conflict? Because you're gonna have conflict to the next home you move, to the next teacher's class that you're in. And so coaching them to build the skill of having the hard conversations and working through the conflict.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

What do you think about the value of doing role plays, having you be the person that the kid is gonna go talk to and have them kind of say what they're gonna say to that other kid and then you kind of role play back? Um, what does that look like and how well does that work for helping kids t learn how to go through conflict?

SPEAKER_03 12:14

I think it's really important. I I think when you give kids the opportunity to have that conversation with the teacher or the other kid, or you know, when you practice that out loud, it actually builds some pathways in your brain that make it easier for you to have that conversation in real life. Then they can also, you know, that's their chance to make a mistake and say the wrong thing. And you can give guidance. Again, how do when you say that, how do you think that teacher will respond?

SPEAKER_05 12:41

We did this with a kid. It did go really well, but she realized in it, like she forgot what she was gonna say. Like in the moment when we're trying to have it, she couldn't think about it. And so she said, Hey, I don't, I'm gonna freeze, like I don't know. And so she wrote notes and she took it, and it felt silly to her in the moment because she goes to have the conversation and she like pulls out her folded thing and she said, Hey, like I wrote notes and I'm gonna read some of it from here because I want to get it across the right way, and I'm gonna get emotional or I'm gonna get angry trying to talk about it. And so these things are like what my team helped me come up with of what I really want to say to you so you're not just getting my frustration.

Coach Don’t Rescue

SPEAKER_01 13:15

I love that. That's so smart. Yeah. So, what are some practical tools parents can use to help kids regulate before they try and talk it out?

SPEAKER_03 13:21

Well, I think that's that's a really important point that most people don't realize is that when you're in your emotional brain, before you could get back into your sophisticated brain or your cortex to have a rational conversation, the way you do that is to regulate. And so that may be that we go for a walk first or listen to music or bounce a ball back and forth. You know, anything that's rhythmic, repetitive, and pattern helps your brain regulate. And that helps you be able to access your cortex so that in that moment you don't become emotional and say the wrong thing.

SPEAKER_04 13:55

I think practicing some of that regulation beforehand so that way when you're calm, you're learning the skills, you know what you need to do, and you can find out of hey, if I go for a walk, that's really helpful. But if I go r run, that just gets gets me more upset and starting to not then you're prepared as a parent to know this makes my kid more dysregulated, this helps my kid regulate, and uh the kid starts to also pick up on those things.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

When conflict happens in sports, like unfair playing time, teammate drama, what role should the parents play in those situations?

SPEAKER_03 14:23

I think we've all been to sports events where we've seen parents lose their mind. And so that again, that's a situation where we're the role model, right? How do the kids see us? Do they see us yell at the ref or do they see us yell at at other players, you know, and realizing they're just kids. So I think first off, we set the example of how do we how do we respond in an intense sports situation?

SPEAKER_05 14:50

I unfortunately I do yell. I get kind of vocal. So this is one I have to brill myself quite a bit on to not be the amplifier.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Yeah, you know, of it. My youngest daughter uh was a basketball player from early on and and played numerous tournaments over the course of several years against a little girl on an opposing team that just pushed her buttons. And it took me a long time to help my daughter see when she pushes your buttons, you lose focus and invariably you fell out. And then you're then you're losing time on the court and you're of no help to your team whatsoever. And I said, I wonder what would happen if you could stay calm and how that would impact her play. And boy, it was a struggle to get there. But but she was finally able to do that. And the calmer she got, then that other little girl started to play erratically. They were always, almost always guarding each other. And and so then a light bulb went off in my daughter's head. Oh, if I have a calm brain, I get to stay in the game, I get to help my team, I get to, you know, play better. And I'm not gonna let her push my buttons. But that was a long process to lead her to that, to that insight.

Role‑Play And Preparation

SPEAKER_05 15:57

I mean, I do think sports can be one of the best real life training grounds for handling disappointment and unfairness. And there's gonna be a bad call. Yeah. You're gonna get a call that's not right. But like teaching them how to handle that. I also think for parents, it's one had this conversation with a kid before, right? He wasn't getting as much playing time as he thought he could. And so gonna be honest, he wasn't getting as much playing time as we thought he should. But it was like the conversation of, hey, have you talked to coach? Yeah. Like, have you been able to go in and say, Hey, what are some areas that you want to see me improve in? What are some different things I could do off of the court that like have the conversation of, hey, what does he want? Because ultimately he is gonna be the one that decides. Do you play or do you sit?

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:38

And so if there are specific things that, and maybe he hasn't shared them with you yet, but like you going in saying, Hey coach, like I want I want more playing time. What are some things I need to work on? And then you work on it. For me, sports, I don't care.

SPEAKER_04 16:51

Um, so I am on and out over here, but I do think of things that were unsport related. And this was say when I was older and had a little bit more rational thought. But sometimes my dad would just kind of shrug his shoulders at me and be like, What do I always tell you? And I'm like, Life's not fair. Like, and some of it is just learning that whether it's sports or some other thing that I do, sometimes life is genuinely just not fair and there's not anything we can do about it.

Regulation Before Conversation

SPEAKER_01 17:14

For those of you listening, you can't really see, but I always wear WWJD bracelet. And the reason that I do is that my daughters got these, got them at youth group one night, and then I was at one of their basketball games and not being a very kind person to the ref, and they said, you know, dad, Jesus probably wouldn't yell at the refs like that.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

No, yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

And then, like, I think you should wear this to remind you to be kind to people. And so that's what I do. I wear it all the time to remind myself, don't lose your temper, be a good role model. Yeah, yelling at the refs is not helpful and it's not what Jesus would do. But does anyone think that like parents should get involved when a kid doesn't have playing time, or is that something that the kids should do themselves?

SPEAKER_03 17:52

I mean, I think we start out and enable the kid to go and talk to coach, just like Shanna said. I don't know that a parent should get involved in the playing time. I see that happen a lot, but ultimately that coach is making the decision he feels is best for the team. And also, I think it's really hard for any parent to be objective when it comes to playing time or the skills of their child, right? A lot of parents overestimate their child's athletic ability. And and also if you step back and look, there are millions of kids across the United States who play sports, some who even play at a very high level, but how many of them will continue in that sport past high school? That number dwindles, right? And and then past college, it dwindles again. So I think there are so many valuable benefits from playing sports, but I I don't think parents always have the capacity to see the actual athletic ability of their child.

SPEAKER_04 18:48

But I wonder what you're modeling if you are asking about playing time. Yeah, because I think so much, I assume I have already said I don't like sports, so like we're just guessing here. But I would think that as a coach, coachability is gonna play as big of a part as athletic ability. And if you're coming in and saying, Why kid, why can't my kid play? That's not modeling coachable behavior.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

So, how does social media change conflict and what boundaries should families have around online disputes?

Sports, Emotions, And Modeling

SPEAKER_03 19:13

I think social media just fuels conflict. I think, I think so much of what we see on social media, even what we see in the media and on TV, just is intentional to escalate conflict. I've even heard that, you know, on reality shows that the producers of those shows are encouraging conflict, right? They don't want you to get along and be friendly. They want you to backbite and talk about each other negatively. And so it's just not, it's not a peaceful example, but it sure is an in our face example, right? Everywhere you look, there's conflict. And I think also that people are willing to say and do things from a keyboard that they would never say or do in person. You know, I do think it's important to talk to your kids about that conflict and the difference between that and real life. I do think it's important to point that out. Hey, this is, you know, this is to get lacks, this is to draw attention, but it's not real life. This isn't how people really function.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

Well, and conflict in a comment section increases engagement, and so trying to be combative actually gets you more views and money and all the things.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

I wonder about groupthink when it comes to online conflict. I mean, I think teenagers just in naturally get caught up in groupthink, but I think that it's just so much more when it's online.

SPEAKER_05 20:33

I also think like social media creates a lot of room for miscommunication because a simple okay can be taken as rude or dismissive when because there's no facial expression, there's no tone behind it. And so you're reading the message however you want to perceive it. Like if I want to be mad and I want to argue at a person, it doesn't matter really what the comment says if I want to take it that way and I want to be offended, it's gonna be very easy for me to talk myself into being offended and responding back in a hateful way because I want to. When we talk about like what what boundary should families have around online, I mean, we see it a lot, like part of my job is searching kids' phones. And so we see it a lot as far as hey, this conversation looks real toxic and real hateful. And so setting that boundary of, hey, it doesn't look like you have the ability currently right to be on this social media site or to have access to this site because we're not handling it respectfully, responsibly. And so teaching them, hey, we're gonna get you back to a place of being regulated and being able to be respectful to people. And then you can have the privilege of having access to that back. But like we have to set the boundary for them sometimes because social media has taken over honestly everything, and it's all they want to be on. And sometimes we have to be the ones to say, Hey, you we're you you have to delete, like you don't have access to this right now, and we have to be willing to take them out of the situation. Because they don't have the skills to do that themselves.

Playing Time: Parent Or Player?

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Trevor Burrus, Jr.: Maybe a controversial, but I told my girls when and this before they even got a phone that anytime I want, I can look at your phone and I'm gonna look through to see what's going on on there. And if there's stuff that's inappropriate, we're gonna talk about it, and you might be losing your phone. I know that some people think that's an invasion of privacy, but I think that's a thing as a parent you have to kind of look at and keep your kids safe with that.

SPEAKER_04 22:23

Aaron Powell, I think just the amount of abuse and just really bad situations kids can end up in, it can be more than peer-to-peer arguing, saying things they wouldn't say to their faces. There's real risk there of just ensuring that they're communicating safely.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

So how do we teach kids to apologize well and take responsibility without shaming them?

SPEAKER_04 22:43

I think on this one, modeling is a big thing too. I don't know how many times I've apologized to a kid and they just kind of stare at me and they don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

I love to apologize to kids.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

I always say if you work in the field of childcare and you've never had to apologize to a child, you just haven't been working here long enough, right? Because we're human and so we get tired and frustrated and say the wrong thing professionally to kids just like sometimes we do personally as a parent to our own child. But yeah, taking responsibility for that and apologizing is huge.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

And I think like if a child feels shame, I think their brain shifts to being defensive. Um and I think if they feel safe in the apology or, you know, just feel safe in general, I think they're more likely to reflect on what they did in the situation and then be willing to repair it and have the hard conversation and then they grow from that.

SPEAKER_04 23:34

But I think teaching kids, we always say you need to make things right, not apologize. It's about the relationship, it's not about the apology. That's good.

SPEAKER_05 23:41

Which I think going back to the shame. I think shame tells them shame says I am bad. Ownership says I made a mistake. Like and if you make a mistake, we can fix it and we can do better.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

So what does healthy forgiveness look like and how do we teach it without forcing it?

Social Media Boundaries

SPEAKER_04 23:54

I mean, I think the I keep going back to it, but I do think it's so important of we're showing kids of they are going to mess up. That's one of the things I tell kids when they first get here is hey, when something goes wrong, you are a person, you are a child, this is not all gonna go perfectly no matter what. And letting them, one, letting them know, hey, we don't expect you to be perfect, and then also when they do mess up, being willing to address it and then move forward and not continue to just bring it up and bring it up.

SPEAKER_05 24:17

I think also teaching them, because I think sometimes we think, well, if I forgive them, then it's saying whatever happened is okay, or if I forgive them, then I have to be friends with them again. And so we have the conversation with the kids sometimes of hey, you can still forgive and set boundaries. Like you can still forgive and put space between. Like you don't have to say, I taught this to my own daughter, and sometimes she uses it against me. But like when you go and make it right with someone, or someone comes and tells you they're sorry for something that happened, you don't have to say it's okay, right? So you can so she'll say, When this is how she used it against me. I had to apologize. I spoke not so kindly to her. And so I had to go back and apologize. And she said, Mom, thank you for saying sorry, but how you said that wasn't okay. And she was right. I said, Hey, you're right. Like you can forgive me, but you don't have to be okay with what I did.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

So, what does raising a child who handles conflict well look like when they become an adult?

SPEAKER_04 25:09

I think it looks like an adult who can handle conflict well. Of we're just trying to get kids to figure it out now so that way they don't have to figure it out when they're older.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

All right, thank you for listening today. I hope you don't fight the urge to come back next week. And I want you to freeze right now and give us a five-star review. And when you're talking to your friends and family members, don't let them flee before you mention that they should also be listening to Brain-Based Parenting. Until next time, remember you might have to loan out your cortex today. Just make sure you get them back.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

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