Raising Young Leaders: If you Don' Shape Their Leadership, Who Will? pt 2

Kids don’t wake up one day and magically know how to lead. They practice leadership in the messy places first: the toddler who insists on doing it “my way,” the grade-schooler who wants to run the game, the teen who’s testing independence while still needing structure. We dig into what healthy leadership looks like at different ages and how brain-based parenting helps us guide that drive without turning every moment into a power struggle. 

We spend time on skills that make leadership sustainable: listening, empathy, teamwork, and conflict resolution. That includes the hard parenting choice to let kids work some conflicts out on their own when it’s safe, then processing what helped and what didn’t. We also tackle resilience and responsibility, including why kids need chances to fail successfully, push through when something stops being fun, and learn that finishing matters. And we close with a reminder that hits home: our job isn’t to create a better version of us, it’s to help our kids become a strong, grounded version of themselves. 

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Leadership Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Welcome back. Today we're going to talk about how to help kids develop their leadership skills. To do that today, I'm again joined by Chloe Hewitt, Youth Programs Administrator.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

Sam Cerna, Assistant Administrator of Residential Communities. Danny Pechtel, Executive Director.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

So what does leadership look like at the different developmental stages from younger children to teenagers? And how should our expectations change as kids grow?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Well, two-year-olds it just looks like bosses. That's what I was saying. They're just bossing.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Yeah, I mean, if I could tell you how many times that I like fought with my daughter about everything. And I like, and not even it's simple things, right? Like, and it kind of drives my husband to nuts because I won't battle with her back and forth because my mom did that to me. And I'm like, I don't want to kill it. I don't want to kill her opinion. And so I try to give her as much choice as I can. But I think it looks like that, right? And you know, recently a friend said to me, it's interesting because neither one of your kids are afraid to say what they need. And she said, I I love that because mine is an internalizer. And and I said, For me, I've always been like, gosh, it's exhausting. But then I guess that's true. And it was a compliment that I didn't really even know I needed in the moment because I think it's that they're not afraid to speak up, right? At from a young age, and which can be challenging.

Join First To Earn Influence

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Well, I agree. Uh I I hung out with a seven-year-old the other day, and I had forgotten seven-year-olds, and it was interesting because you got to give up, you know, when you're playing with little little guys, you got to give up a whole lot of power to a point, right? Because one is I'm trying to figure them out. I don't know them, you know. So we start just playing, right? And but I noticed I'm getting ordered around a lot, which, you know, I don't always like getting ordered around a lot, especially by little kids. But this is the point today, right? Uh we're we're gonna figure each other out. So it's really neat because we it's it's uh we we say it in some way, right? Join and follow to lead, right? So I'm joining him and he wants to play tag. And I said, Hey man, I absolutely cannot run.

SPEAKER_04 2:12

So I'm only laughing because you get hurt all the time.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

I'm in the middle of, well, I had boots on, but yeah, she's right too. I have boots on. So you know what's neat? I was I told him what was my problem, and he compromises with me. He says, Hey, well, we'll just walk. And he goes, I say, Yeah, but everybody's gonna catch me because I can't run. And he said, I'll tell you, we can stay on the line. We're at the tennis court. And he so he's me, and I said, Well, how do I cross? And he says, Well, we can stop here and count to five, right? And then so when we count to five, can you show me one, two, he counts one, two, three. So I know he can count now, right? Because I don't know his skill set, right? So then we practice cross. Can you show me how? And he does it. So then as we're walking, I'm trying to figure out how do I regulate this guy? How do I uh and I had just seek seek some help from a friend. I said, I need some low brain stuff. And my I'm not in my low brain, I'm in my low brain right now, too. So I need some low brain stuff. So she sends me this whole list that Josh actually had created. So she emails it to me and I I go meet with this kiddo. We get back to the thing where and as we're walking, I'm like, oh, I got it. So we just start going one, two. So I start counting out my steps. One, two, one, two. Well, and so he joins right in. So that's what I mean. Like, so there he's being kind of bossy. Then I'm like, okay, well, uh, although I'm the boss, I can't I can't be bossy right now. So I just wanted to emulate. And so it was really neat to see this little guy be able to give and take some. Because at some point I had to tell him no to something, and I was like, okay, this is not gonna go well. We're gonna try this, but if but this is the this is the parameters, and he he agreed to them, and then I just kind of got tired because I my my heart kept going to my chest. So we're doing a treadmill, and I'm like, Yeah, this ain't gonna work out. Like, no, I I just knew in my head, no, I don't want to do this long term, he's not gonna so I asked him to leave, but I think I had built enough put out with him at that two-hour mark that I could say no and we were okay. You know, so I just found it real interesting to see this young man at that age be able to give and take some, you know, get give and take. And that, you know, that's natural leadership, and that's a that's a little guy.

SPEAKER_04 3:57

Well, and I think you lean into it like what you're talking about. It was it was really funny. So with my seven-year-old last night, I was exhausted. And he says, Mom, I watched this experiment today at school, we're gonna do it tonight. And I was like already like 745, and I was like, babe, mom hasn't like slept, but that's you don't know that. So I said, Okay, what's our experiment? And he goes through and he gets everything out, and then he's like, Okay, now it's in a bat, and it's it poor him. He we he leads me through all of it and I let him take charge. And he was gonna make dino eggs with eggs, except for he didn't hard boil the eggs. So I knew that this wasn't gonna go right, but I just let him and then it didn't, and I never said, Hey, it's not I said, and when it didn't work out, I was like, I think we have a step we're missing. And he goes, All right, tomorrow I'm gonna watch the video and we're gonna do it again. And I said, Sounds great. But it took everything in me because I wanted to not do it, but I let him take lead. I let him tell me what we were gonna do next. And so I think it looks like that, right? Like allowing them to maybe play like what Sam did, and then with my son, like allowing him to take lead and then me just let him be a leader in a healthy way. And you know, just kind of showing examples. I think as they get older, you start the critical thinking process about how did that go? How what was the response you got? What do you think you could have done differently? Start doing some of those critical things, but also allow them to have different leadership opportunities, kind of like what you talked about with the girls. I also was like, I think I was vice president of a club and then of president of this club that was all volunteer work. And so I like I took a leadership role and developed that and had a lot to learn. And, you know, I had mentors pouring into me about how that went and didn't go. And so I think you can kind of give them opportunities and ways to be a leader, you know, and process through. But I will tell you still to this day, if I have a really bad day, both my parents were leaders and I will call and say, I have this going on. What do you think that's about? What are your advice? So I think also having powerful people around you that you can lean into is very important.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Well, you touched on something I thought maybe worth talking a little more about. How important is commute getting kids plugged into community service and to developing their leadership skills?

SPEAKER_04 5:48

You know, I think it's so important with community service and communities. That's one of the things that I probably drive my husband insane with how many things we're involved in, because we have a small group at church and we have a life group on Sundays. So we do both. But I think it's really important, even if it's not community service, but if it's community. But I think community service gives them giving back to people, but also seeing people from different circumstances. Because we don't all come from the same place. And people might not have the same things we have. And so getting them the opportunity of giving back to others creates that empathy that Danny is talking about that is so important with kids.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

So, what practical opportunities can parents create at home or in everyday life for kids to practice leadership and responsibility?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

I was gonna say, this sounds silly. Chores. Yeah, you gotta give them responsibilities. And here's the hard part is parents are chores. Don't nag them. This is your responsibility, you gotta get it done.

SPEAKER_04 6:36

Also, don't be afraid to do it with them. So I will say we are doing a parenting book in our life group right now. And so every Sunday we talk about parenting. I also read, I told, I was telling Josh about this book. I read a book that I loved. And so one of the things it talks about is that you go and join with them, right? And so they had said, Oh gosh, they never pick up the playroom and they're processing it. And I said, Have you tried doing it with them? And they were like, No. And I was like, okay. I said, sometimes our expectations, which I that same seven-year-old that Sam was talking about was really struggling the other day, and I had to process with him at school. And so I worked late, wanted to go swing by before the end of the day. Well, when I got there, they were making him clean his room by himself. And I'm like, Well, that's a real high expectation, right? Um, a kid that can barely, and so I helped him clean his room with him that whole night. But one of the things I say is it also gives you one-on-one time with your kid. And so it's not necessarily just about which it can be frustrating. So, but what was ironic is that same mom three days later messaged me and said, Thank you. I went and picked up three toys and that's it. And then they finished cleaning the room. So I think chores, but also not being afraid, because listen, we all have bad days, so there could be a reason why they didn't pick up that day, right? And then you didn't know. But when you go and help him pick up, you hear that, hey, he had a really hard time at recess because this guy, Max, was mean to him, right? So there could be a reason why they might not have taken care of that responsibility. But you're also showing them, like, hey, mom's not afraid to get in it with me, right? And so you're also teaching them that leadership skill.

Let Them Fail And Finish

SPEAKER_01 7:55

I think support's important and you're teaching support. I also think one of the most important things we can do with kids is give them those chances to fail successfully.

SPEAKER_04 8:03

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Right? It's it's okay that this didn't go. And I probably could have stepped in and kept you from failing, but sometimes you gotta fall off the bike to figure it out. I need to be around to be supporting pick you up. But you've got to give them chances, and there will be times you know they're not gonna make it. It's okay. One of the things I did with my son a few years back, there's a video game you liked, and there were like stages. You had to earn the stages. But we would we made it like a job, and at some point he he quit playing that video game. Like what I would do is I was like, Look, in life, there's work, and and you you're gonna there's gonna be a point where you find a job that you love, but there's a point where that job you love becomes work, and you have to learn how to push through when it's not fun anymore. Yeah. And I said so. And we kind of set it up so that we set up a monetary reward to make all the stages in a month was like nearly impossible. And it moved from video games to work at that point. And I was like, look, this is how I'll do it. And if you make it all the way to here, and I didn't think he was gonna make it. If you'll make it all the way to here, I'll pay you this much per da da da. And I remember about two weeks in, I realized, oh my gosh, he's gonna make it this month. And I walked in and he was just, he's like, I don't know if I don't want to do this anymore. I was like, Well, you gotta figure it out. He's like, I was like, but you only get the reward if you finish. And he's like, Well, I'm halfway, you should pay me half. I was like, No. I was like, look, that's I don't in a time, you know, my boss's name was Melissa, I was like, I can't walk into Melissa and tell Melissa I got half the job done. And she said, he said, Oh, I said, You gotta finish the work if you want to get paid. And I was like, and I know that this isn't fun now, that it's work, but that's what work is sometimes. And you gotta find a way to grind through it, and it's okay. I like that because there's motivation.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

It is motivation too. You know, it waned, you know, at first you had this thing and it just now it's like how I'm in it, I don't want to do it anymore. You know, one of my worst thoughts was when they let me quit the a baseball team when I was a kid. You know, it's kind of sets a tone that, hey, when it's when it's hard, I can stop. You know what I mean? And it it's hard for a kid to like me to get back, get back to wanting to do something, and just when it gets hard, I don't want to do it and I can quit. And they allow it, you know. So it's one of the biggest I talk great about my mom all the time, right? And and and it's not even her bad. I think, you know, heck, she was busy too, and it probably cost money to put me in that thing, and I was really young. Yeah, she just let me I wanted to stay home and watch the Saturday morning cartoons. She's she let me do it, right? So then you find out, well, I guess if I just ask, I don't have to do it anymore. And then, you know, but maybe her point was I try, I never asked her about it, but maybe her point was I'd go try something and get into something. But I'll tell you what, it wasn't my idea. I don't think it was. But I I do like the word opportunities, right? Because it you just gotta look at your kid, their age, what, where, where they're at. And you you I like I really like what you your example, Danny. And I think that you you find opportunities. I I had a lot of opportunities to kind of grow up fast. You know, my my mom, all you know, when she had a little I had a little brother when I was 13 and she had to work, so it I don't think I wasn't really asked, but at the age I was it as I seemed to show some responsibility, I seem to show some good thinking thinking processes, you know. I did what I was supposed to do, right? Generally, so I think that's what my mom said, Hey son, I have to go to work. I need you to watch your brothers. Yeah, probably 13, 14 years old. And I'm like, Yeah, mom, yeah, I can do that. What do I gotta do? And she's like she gives me the instruction. I was feeding a bottle, changing pamphers at 13 years old, you know, because that's what we needed to do. Now that that's kind of a different situation than going to play some T-ball. But what I mean is I was given the opportunity to learn a skill, which actually paid off later, you know, and it felt good to be responsible. Yeah, did I want to do that all the time? No, I wanted to play outside, but on four days, five days a week, I had to watch my brothers. The cool part is this, and my my friends were my friends never gave me junk about it. They knew that's what I had to do. And you know, when mom was off, she gave me kind of free reign. Hey, go go have some fun, son. Thank you, you know. Because it's kind of a thankless job you're doing for the family. But anyway, like I said, I was probably the only choice. My other brother's four years younger than me. And so, but the fact the the proud moment for me was she had enough trust for me to do it, and I had clear instructions about what to do if things went wrong. So I knew the number, she actually worked right down the street, so it wasn't that bad if something went wrong, I could get you know what I mean. So that was all kind of stuff, and I I I put myself now in my mom's position, being having been a dad and in care of grandchildren, right? And I'm going, I'm not sure I would have done that. Like, you know, I or what I mean, what I mean is this the amount of trust it took for her to do it. And and and I think that that says something for to a kiddo when you say, Hey, I see this in you, I'm putting this faith in you. You know, hey, hey, don't let me down. But you know, mine was could be life or death, right? But for for these small things, like you know, chores and stuff, it it's kind of the same thing. We're putting some kind of faith that this thing is gonna get done. I mean, it teaches them, yeah. I really like as you said, hey, li life doesn't always come with a reward for the things you do. Sometimes you just gotta do it. You just gotta finish.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

There were two things that I was thinking of too with my kids. But they with my son, he had this project, and the teacher told him you have to have this done by Friday. It's for a six-week grade. They had also told us. And so I pull out his folder Monday. I'm like, when are you gonna get that done? Maybe Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, maybe Thursday. I'll just let you know. And I'm like, okay, you let me know. And I recently saw this where it's like, hey, they have to take some ownership too. Like, we can't save them. And so Tuesday came, he didn't want to Monday came, Monday he didn't want to do it. Tuesday he didn't do it. And so Wednesday, I was like, Oh yeah, you still have your thing. What are you thinking about that? Oh, I don't know what tradition. I said, I don't know what's something we do every every week that you can think of, because he had to think about a family tradition and draw it and write about it. And he was like, I don't know, maybe turkeys. And he was thinking about Thanksgiving. And I'm like, well, everybody, because it had to be a tradition that's really not necessarily a holiday. I was like, what do we do on Fridays? He's like, oh my gosh, we do movie night every Friday. And so he was like, I'm gonna do it right now. And he knocked it out. But I remember thinking, I was gonna let you figure it out. Like, if you didn't do it, it's for a grade, you know? And so I think that is a practical way to say that's your responsibility. You know, your teacher told you I've given you a notice. If you don't get it done, you you could fail, right? And that's your own failure on that. One of the other things I think about is so he we play soccer, but I keep him in a sport pretty much year round. And so he was in basketball. So he went for his first soccer, he's also in soccer lessons, so he went for a first soccer lesson that he hadn't been in a couple of months because it's been winter. And he was like, Mom, my skills are rough looking. And I was like, Well, what do you think that's about? I haven't been practicing. I said, Yeah, and what do I tell you about why it's important to practice at all times? It's because that's what makes you you gotta practice to stay good. And so it was funny because we talked about, hey, you didn't want to go practice, and then now you're lacking on your skills, right? So some of that own failure learning helps them practice that leadership and responsibility, I think.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

I think there's a whole lot to that. I also think what we do around them shows them a lot. You know, when you talk about, hey, work ethic. My parents taught me work ethic, they taught me this, they top the way we learn that is we watch them. And one of the things that we sometimes underplay as adults is we want the kids to do all these things. We get coaching for them in sports, and we do all this. How do we develop that? One of the most important things as a parent, if you want to develop these things, do them. They watch what you do, and what you do influences them as much as what you tell them, as much as what you line out for them, as much as what you build for them. What you do tells your kids what is important and what they should do.

SPEAKER_04 14:20

I love that. I mean, I think it's so true. I joke that my daughter has I mean, she has pretend phones and calls HR like at least five times. I mean, Sam knows he will be in the background. He's like, she has a pretend laptop and she has her phone and she is talking to everybody, and she will frequently talk to my boss on the phone. So I do think you're right. I think they watch every little thing that we do, and good and bad. So yeah, they're watching all the time.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

So, how do skills like listening, empathy, conflict resolution, and teamwork shape someone's ability to lead well?

SPEAKER_01 14:49

If you don't have those skills, you can't lead. The kids have to learn it without us giving it all to them. Sam mentioned unstructured play earlier. One of the things, and it this will make you crazy as a parent. So I'm gonna tell you to do something that's gonna make you crazy and it's gonna make your spouse crazy. Unless it's about to come to blows, I want them to work it out.

SPEAKER_04 15:04

No, it's true.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Which is really annoying when you're on an eight-hour trip. Don't get me wrong. But there's a level of they need to work it out before I end it for them. And there's a lot of negotiating skills, a lot of conflict resolution, a lot of them practicing their social skills is when they're arguing with their siblings. You gotta let some of those play out. As long as there's not a balance of power and there's not a safety issue, at some level, you gotta let some of that play out between your kids. Like I said, you monitor it, make sure it doesn't get sideways, but they have to negotiate that out and let and then talk to them afterwards. Hey, you guys figured this out without me coming in here. How did you get that done? Why did that work? Why did that not work? Sometimes they have to play it out and they they learn that through that that unstructured play or do that back and forth with their siblings.

SPEAKER_04 15:43

So I think it's kind of leading by example on this one. I'm not actually the best listener to my children. I'm I've owned that. I will own that. I'm the talker and they but dad is like Austin people, he's very quiet, he's very calm. And so last night he called and he hadn't been home, and Layton had he had been in a good mood. Like my son had been in a good mood the whole time I picked him up. And I was like, What is he? Something good happened today, right? But I had no, he had said he had a good day. They played like doctor contraction to put contractions together and we're dressed up as doctors, but it felt like there was more. And so he's like, Oh, dad's on the phone, I gotta tell him something. And he goes, The girl that he likes that he has liked forever. They we were in the same class. He was like, I found out she's in love with me too, dad. And I was like, I've been in the car all day, and you said nothing to me. And like, I guess he found out like the day before too, but he didn't, he like waited to tell dad. And so I but all that to say is listening is like something I think we also and and he knew that dad's the better listener, so I'm just gonna tell dad, right? But I think that that's true. I mean, I think that all that teamwork, I think one of the things I love that my husband does that his dad did not do well with him, is he allows them to when he's doing a project that they help him. So when we built our chicken coop, and if you're listening, we're not supposed to have chickens, so like it's on the top secret, but we built our chicken coop and I was adamant that I wanted a bougie chicken coop. I wanted it to look nice, not like a and so he built me a bougie chicken coop with way too many chickens. But my kids helped build it and then they helped me paint it. And so it was a teamwork thing, like this is us as a family, right? And so I think that is some ways that are really important is that give them projects that y'all can do it together.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

You know, and all these skills are they're kind of on a continuum, right? And like not everybody's all the time good at all of those things, right? Some people, I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say too is if you listen too much, then you're not giving any feedback. Yeah, that's not great. You know, if you're not listening at all and you're giving all the feedback, well, they tune you out or whatever, right? And then the same thing with empathy. You have too much empathy, right? Then you can you also can't set a boundary, maybe on the on the other hand, maybe you don't have enough empathy. You gotta work on that, right? Conflict resolution is a skill all leaders need. I I really like the thought about those kids fighting it out, right? Because, you know, we were kind of told as kids, hey, knock it off, right? And then, hey, listen, guess what? When you become an adult, people don't just stop because you tell them to stop. They don't just stop, right? Not all the time, because everybody's at a different place in that. Some people want to continue the fight and go till it's done, and some people just won't fight at all. And those two extremes are not good for leaders either. And of course, T Mark, y'all covered, y'all cover, but I everybody's on a different continuum. So uh part of it is like when you're trying to teach kids stuff, take an inventory of what they're doing well and what they need to work on, and you know, use with that one skill to teach the other. If they can listen well and they have empathy, well, shoot, they're already on the track to get some conflict resolution going because they can obviously listen, right? And and they have empathy for another person, right? So these things kind of go hand in hand, but they're very completely all different, different skills.

Raise Leaders Without Cloning Yourself

SPEAKER_02 18:24

All right. So if parents intentionally help develop these leadership skills in their kids, what kind of adults are they more likely to become?

SPEAKER_01 18:30

When when Chloe talks about the intentionality her dad had, yeah, and if you're around Chloe, it panned out. And I I think that's that's where we have to be intentional. I I think this goes back to a bigger question, though. If you're not forming your kids, someone else is.

SPEAKER_04 18:43

Oh, hey, yeah, I think so, so true. I think kind of what you know, we all want our kids to be better than us. I think that's ultimately uh always our goal, right? And so it's like leaning into what are the qualities you want them to be. And so I think for me, it's that not even if they're not in leadership, that they just people want to be around them, but also that like that they treat others really well. I think it's really in in taking them with with you. I think what that's one of the things. The empathy one was interesting. I was sitting there thinking about how are ways that I've tried to help them learn that. And it's really if I take a meal when somebody has a baby, I take them with me to to give the meal and meet the baby. And simple things like that, just trying to get them to understand. I have a really good friend who's like going through a really hard time with her dad. And the day that she found it out, I remember saying, Hey, I gotta go see her tonight. And I remember my daughter being like, Well, you won't be able to put me to bed. I said, I know, babe, but sometimes when your friends have a really hard day, you just go and sit with them. And one day you'll do that for a friend. And I remember, and I didn't have to go through all that with her, but I wanted her to understand that like that's kind of what I want them to do when they're older.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I think another thing when we talk about parents and the things that we do intentionally develop leadership skills. This one's hard. And it's been real hard for me with Aiden because he I was into sports, I was into whatever, and he's not like that. Yeah, he didn't play sports until he came here. Actually, one of the other kids that is in junior high with him that uh I watched the kid wrestle. He did really good. And so I talked to him about his wrestling and we talked about football and he plays football. He said, So you used to do all those things? I was like, Yeah, I did all those things. He said, I didn't do that. He does runs across country and plays basketball. I was like, I didn't do that. And he's like, Why don't you make him do the things you did? And I said, Because he has to be the person he is, not the person I was. And I think as a parent, the hard thing, and there were times it was hard for me, that I want him to be him, and he needs to be that version of him. And if I try to make him the better version of me, I'll make a mistake. He needs to learn to lead how he's gonna lead. He needs to learn to be him and do the natural things in his personality that's him. And I think as parents, the trap we fall into sometimes, and the idea of, well, they're gonna be a better version of me if they're not you, and then we kind of get into this thing trying to make them into something they're not. We have to find what they are, enhance what they are, feed into them. So, quick story from a friend of mine. He he was a youth minister that that I got to know when I was in Fort Worth, and he was talking about the things that he and his brother were into was not what his dad was into it as all. But his dad completely changed his hobbies to do what the boys liked, not what he liked. And so he like took his fishing box because he was he fished and he realized the kids were and they lived in like Georgia, they grew up around Atlanta, and the boys were real into model cars and NASCAR and whatever. And one day they came home and the dad cleaned out the fishing box, and instead of fishing was in his tackle box, he had all these model parts and tires and cars and whatever. And he started building the model cars with the kids and changed all of his habits as a dad because he realized they're not gonna fish with me, but this is what they do, and if I'm gonna be involved in their lives, I have to I have to join them and not make them me. And I think when we're building leaders and we're leaning in our kids, we have to we have to lean into who they are, not who we are. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

You know, and the awesome thing about if you're intentional, well, you you you get what you're trying to get. I like all those stories. I also think that doesn't mean they're necessarily gonna become the boss of everybody and a CEO. They will lead in some way if they're taught taught to lead. All of us were formed and shaped by different adults, right? Not necessarily my my mom had a lot of influence in my life, but also people in my community had a lot of influence in my life, and it was you know, I I can think back now, yeah. I don't need to tell the story, but I think that there's men in My community that you know I got to know when I was a late teens, and they give you like this life thoughts, right? And things just things that I still think of today, like you know, straight line examples of do you want if you want that if you want to get there faster, you gotta work towards a direct route. Things that I wouldn't even think of at 17. Men were telling me, hey, you gotta you might think this, Sam, or you might think that. And what I what that tells me today, you know, in hindsight, is they saw something in in me, right? They saw something in my brother, right? And so, and we're completely different people. Like, yeah, obviously, I'm not anything like my well, either of my parents. I'm not, and what I am a little like my mom, I think. But but uh they taught me how to be a leader. It's different, right? It's just different, uh, you know, giving me giving me that responsibility, praising the grades. And so I knew what kind of person I knew what made the adults around me go, hey, good job. And I really wanted to continue to do those things. I guess at the end of it, I think what I'm saying is you said it perfect. They're they're not gonna be you. You know, my kids are nothing like me either. And and you could see that two ways. You can see, like, hey, well, they're right now not doing what I thought they were supposed to do. Or you can say, hey, they're just they're great people, they're raising families and they're they're they're doing they're doing it right. You know, they don't have to be uh in a powerful position to to have one. They're good, they're great people. And so through that, they're leaders, right? They're leading their children now. I think it's pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

I think one of the things me and my husband always talk about is like, what is what do we want for them? You know, like having that honest conversation about what is our priority. So, like, my son's kind of mysterious, he's funny, he's funny, he gets in trouble for being funny all the time. Not always appropriate the way he's being funny. But one of the things that people say about him all the time is he's kind, he's sensitive, which can be difficult for my husband. My husband wants because he's a boy to not be sensitive. And I and I but I also love that about him. I hope one day he's not afraid to tell his wife how he feels. So I think that there's a lot of because our society says that he shouldn't, but I want him to be able to tell his wife, like, hey, I'm not good today. So what we talked about too is hey, you kind of grew up where you weren't allowed to do it, but don't we want him to feel like he's safe enough to tell us? So I think to when once we process through it, so have the conversations between y'all. Like, all right, what do you want them and what are things are important to us as parents?

Reviews, Questions, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_02 24:00

All right, thank you so much for joining us today. I think it'd be a great way to utilize your leadership skills and influence your friends and family members to tell them to listen to Brain-Based Parenting and give us a five-star review. If you would like to contact us and ask us a question, our email address is podcast at calfarley.org. I'll make sure I leave a link in the description. And as always, you might have to loan out your cortex today. Just make sure you remember and get it back.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about CalFarley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarly.org. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.