Hope That Holds:The Real Antidote to Despair pt 1

Hope is easy to talk about and hard to hold onto when your child is struggling, withdrawing, or stuck in negative self-talk. 

We start by defining hope as more than a wish. Real hope is future-focused and backed by action, which means parents can do more than wait and worry. We unpack the signs a child may be losing hope, from losing interest and energy to having trouble imagining a next chapter. From there we share a simple approach that opens doors instead of starting fights: honest “I notice” statements, curiosity, and giving your child enough agency to talk without feeling judged.

We also dig into loneliness and isolation, including the way social media and “echo chambers” can reinforce a teen’s worst beliefs. A key shift is moving from “How do I get my kid to fit in?” to “How do I help my kid feel belonging?” We talk about faith, community support, and meaningful rituals as anchor points in chaotic seasons, plus why kids often receive wisdom better from trusted adults outside the immediate parent-child dynamic.

To close, we focus on what restores hope fastest: small measurable wins, specific encouragement, and unconditional love that is not tied to performance. If you find value here, follow and subscribe, share this with another parent who needs it, and leave a five-star review.

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Transcript

Welcome And Question Of The Day

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprunk.

SPEAKER_04 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to talk about the power of providing hope for kids, parents, and families.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

To do that, today I'm joined by Suzanne Wright, Vice President of Training and Intervention.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

I'm Cole Smith.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

I work in the Transitional Living Program. I'm Mike Wilhelm. I'm the director of faith-based outreach.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

All right, welcome. So let's kick off the day as we always do with our question of the day. So since we're talking about hope, what is something you're hoping to accomplish in this upcoming year?

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Prior to uh recording, it was suggested to me that I hope to accomplish being nicer to my coworkers. Maybe not teasing quite as much. And in particular, Mike Wilhelm. And so I am publicly declaring that I will try to do better in 2025.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

I'm looking forward to that, by the way. I bet you are. I'm interested to see what that looks like. I'm hoping we did extracurricular activities for our elementary age kids for the first time this fall, and it was busy. And I'm hoping to manage that a little bit better and maybe not have to drive 45 minutes five times a week like we did in the fall. So that's my goal. I'm going to accomplish paring that down to something that can be managed.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

Good luck with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Yeah. Well, we're in the process of some moving. So I hope that we can get moved and organized and downsized sometime over the next few months. And it's a lot of work. And moving has to be one of my least favorite things of the Trevor Burrus. Well, and going through, and it's a good process after like 20 years of nesting somewhere, there's a lot of stuff that needs to be thrown away. And so going through and making those hard decisions of filing things away in the dumpster is yeah, that's what we're doing. That's my hope to get it done. What's your Josh? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:15

Well, I have twin daughters who are seniors, and I am hoping to survive their senior year and their senior itis attitude. So that's what I'm hoping to survive and accomplish is that we can make it to May.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

That's a whole other podcast episode, Josh.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Yeah, I know. I write that down because I need some help. All right, so we're talking about hope. So

What Hope Really Means

SPEAKER_04 2:34

let's start by defining hope. Is there a difference between saying, I hope my chair doesn't collapse when I sit down and I hope my child overcomes a struggle? How would you guys define hope?

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Hope would be expecting something to happen that has not happened yet.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

I kind of think of hope as it's a a want or desire that has enough force behind it that it creates some nervousness, some anticipation, maybe a little bit of anxiety, even depending on the level of it. But I feel like that's to me the difference of, you know, I hope my child overcomes a struggle versus I hope the chair doesn't fall is kind of that that force behind it.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

I I agree exactly with what Cole just said. I think when we have hope for something to occur occur, we generally support that by action, right? By a plan. If I look at a chair and I'm not sure it will hold my weight, I probably don't sit in it to begin with. Or I choose a different chair. If it's a struggle that my child is facing, I'm definitely going to develop a plan of action to help my child overcome that. I think I think hope is supported by action.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

And and don't you think that hope there is such a thing as hope in the chair doesn't fall, or hope I hope I win the lottery or whatever. We we throw the word around and wishing for something might be selfish, might be unrealistic, and we just say it. But there's also this thing that's bigger than that, and it's about believing that things are going to get better and living that in that state of expectancy, or what was the word, what'd you say, cold? Anticipation. Anticipation. Right, right. Yeah. Which is kind of what Advent right now is we're doing this recording, where a lot of Christians would celebrate what we call Advent season, which is that season of living that way, right?

Signs A Child Is Losing Hope

SPEAKER_04 4:11

So what are some signs that a child is starting to lose hope and how can parents or caregivers respond?

SPEAKER_03 4:16

Well, I think you know, since we talk about hope being so future-oriented, future focused, when when you see your I feel like this may be true more for teenage children, but as you see when they can't articulate or get excited for a vision for what's next, that could be a sign if they're losing interest in things they've previously enjoyed, hobbies, withdrawing from their friends, even you know, appetite decreasing things that their day in, day out level of energy just kind of goes down. I I think those are can kind of be the signs you might be able to see without asking the questions. And then maybe if you're asking the questions when when the when they can't get it cited or look forward to what what the next thing is.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

I think it's usually accompanied by an obvious sadness. So you may just notice changes in their facial expression or their body language or their demeanor.

SPEAKER_04 5:04

So what a what what would the response be then from a parent or a caregiver when you start to notice these things?

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Well, ignoring never makes things better, right? Problems never go away just because you hope that they will. Or that you ignore them. And so I think acknowledging what you see or what they've said to you, comments that they've made, and then being curious and asking, you know, I notice lately you seem sad, or I notice that you never want to go to church youth group, or you know, whatever that is, just being curious about that and acknowledging a difference and asking questions.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Yeah, it seems I I was thinking just what you said, Suzanne, that those I notice remarks seem like they're helpful to always okay, because they're you're being seen and valued, and that's a good start, isn't it? Hey, I notice. And without being accusatory or preachy, you know, pressing too hard, but just those simple observations, hey, I notice, and saying that with love seems like it's a really good place to start, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Yeah, and those I notice statements and curiosity still empower the the child or the teen to have some agency in the conversation and what they're gonna say and how they're gonna move forward. Um so giving them that that option and how do I now engage, I think can be really helpful for them.

SPEAKER_04 6:20

That's good.

Belonging Versus Fitting In

SPEAKER_04 6:21

So what role does isolation or loneliness play in a feeling of hopelessness? And how can families or children combat that?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

You know, one of the components of our model of leadership and service is belonging. And we recognize that that's an important function for every person to have adult or child. And so when you don't have belonging, you end up feeling isolated or lonely. And we often talk about, you know, what's the difference between belonging and fitting in? And belonging is feeling like you are part of something bigger than yourself, that you are a valuable member of a group. Whereas fitting in means that I change something about myself in order for you to accept me. But if I belong, you accept me at face value flaws at all for who I am. And so kids struggle with that. That that's that's hard. It's sure hard in high school, but it's hard long before that. And so when children don't have that belonging, they may feel isolated or lonely.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Well, yeah, that you know, we we hear a lot about echo chambers right now, where if you hear the same voice over and over again or the same opinion over and over again. And so I'm wondering about a teenager who's isolated or lonely, and so the only voice they're hearing is their own. And so they're got negative self-thoughts, negative self-talk, and they're not being exposed to the positive interactions, the positive reinforcement, the smiles, the encouraging words. And instead they're hearing their own negative thoughts repeated and repeated, and those things start to get stronger and stronger in that kind of isolation echo chamber.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Are you saying that that that isolation echo chamber, Cole, is that some of that living in kind of a digital world rather than in the room?

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Well, I think we see echo chambers a lot in the digital world for sure. And I can just imagine if you only have if you've isolated yourself from other people, from your community, from the from the attachments and relationships you've had before, because you feel negatively about yourself, you're gonna start spinning that inside your own head even more. And I imagine that would include as you start to feel bad and social media picks up on your algorithm and what you what you pay attention to and focus on, you're probably only gonna get that negative image and that enhanced.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Dr. Perry, you know, has shared a concept that we tend to place more value on information that aligns with what we already think. Right. So for example, if I'm if I'm watching a news story and the information being shared aligns with what I believe about that topic, I say, oh yeah, boy, that's exactly right. And then if I am watching a news story that confronts what I believe about that topic, I'm more likely to dismiss it or to disagree with it. And that happens in every aspect of our life, right? So if we have a particular negative feeling about ourselves, we're probably going to pay more attention to information that supports that negative feeling, right? C, I knew they didn't like me. C, I knew I was rejected, C. And so I think that's exactly true.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Right. And so now the to combat it, it can't just be an equal amount of positive attention to negative attention. It's got to be over-emphasized. And so when you're talking about how to families and combat that, it's man, it's that over overstating. And by by overstating, I don't mean dating it more than it's true, but the repeated statements of how much you care and value and appreciate and love someone and the good things they're doing, the things you see in them that are positive. I think so often we don't say those things out loud and draw that explicit attention to it. Instead, we just kind of assume everyone knows the good things we think about them, but you just can't assume that the people know the positive things. And so that over-repeated stating the good things to help combat that negative self-talk.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Yeah, I was that I really appreciate that what both of you, Suzanne and Cole said, Suzanne about the the fitting in versus belonging, that's a great distinction. And I appreciate you sharing that. And I have seen, and I'll bet y'all have too. You know, raising teenagers is not for the faint-hearted, right? It's not always a picnic, right? Not even in the most chunk charmed of circumstances, but and it can become so such a power struggle when our our our teen is not becoming this, whatever this picture in our mind is that they should become, and we can become so stuck on that that we fail to relate to them as this human being created in God's image. And you you belong here in this family, and you are there is acceptance of your being here. And instead, we're if we get so consumed with what what they're doing or not doing that we think they should or shouldn't do, that's very alienating. And suddenly this love is additional and it seems like it drives a person to isolation right under right under your own roof, don't you think? But then that whole thing about, yeah, that cole, I like what you said about our our our beliefs, or not our beliefs, but yeah, we'll we'll look for things that are gonna confirm what we already believe, right? I've heard it said like a ratchet or a socket wrench where we can have a gazillion things come our way that that would tell us that we're valuable, we belong, there's hope, uh, life has meaning. And yet we'll just wait for that one nugget that would give us a message otherwise, and it'll tighten. And then that thing will spin, spin, spin until there's one more nugget. And after a while, you live your life like that, cherry picking things to confirm a previous bias, and that thing is just tightened down into whatever it is despair, loneliness, isolation, right? So I think that was just really an important point.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Mike, it it occurred to me that the ultimate definition of belonging would be realizing that you are created in God's image and and you are loved and just by your existence, you belong. You belong to Him.

SPEAKER_04 12:05

That's a great transition to the next question. So, how does

Faith And Community As Support

SPEAKER_04 12:08

faith help foster hope during difficult family seasons? And what are some ways families can reconnect with their faith when they feel like their hope has been lost?

SPEAKER_01 12:16

You know, as I look back through the trials of parenting over the years, I don't know how I could have made it personally without my faith and without people who I could go to to vent to ask for support, to rely on people who would be in prayer with me. And I think it's so important to have that community of support because anytime your child is making a poor choice or misbehaving, you feel a degree of guilt and some shame, and you feel like other people are judging you and thinking, wow, I can't, I can't believe Suzanne's child did this, or I can't believe Suzanne's child behaved in in that way. And it's just great to create a supportive group of friends around you who can come alongside you and say, we've been there, we're all human, your kids aren't doing anything. Our kids didn't, you know, and just provide that support and encouragement rather than feeling that you're alone in the battle of raising a child.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Yeah, it's you know, of course, I'm I I coming from a preacher-pastor perspective here, but I I don't know how people can go through the the big storms of life without faith in God. And it and it seems like and to Josh, to your question, how to reconnect, boy, those times of crisis are wonderful times to opportunities uh to share and to bring hope and and remind you know your hurting friend or your isolated person, your kiddo that's in despair, that God is writing a story. And the only story I could think of he could write would be a story with a perfect story with a perfect ending. And I said, I don't know how these intermediate chapters are all gonna go down. Some of them are frightening, some some of them are discouraging, but I know that the only kind of story God would want to write is one that would have a perfect ending, and that's something we could hold on to.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

I was gonna just also add, I think there's a lot of power in the rituals that a faith community can provide. Kind of ritual practices, and by that, I mean things that are consistent and connect you to the community and have some deeper meaning behind them. I think in my faith tradition and and and in many, a lot of those rituals are things that have been passed down and done for centuries. And so there's there can be a real sense of I'm I'm not doing this in isolation. This is in connection and belonging with people for centuries before us and and will probably be continue to be done for going forward as well. And so there's that speaking to the past, projecting to the future, and doing actions that are structured, repeated, and that have kind of a deeper meaning behind them. I think in a lot of the chaos of hopelessness and isolation, having those anchor points of meaning and and consistent practice could be really helpful for a family unit too.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

I agree. I think also that you can use those relationships to support your child, right? That there is a point where your child doesn't want to come talk to you about it. And I think, you know, don't wait until there's a difficult season because I promise you there will be one in your family. If you haven't gone through one yet, you will at some point because that's just the nature of life. But, you know, look for and intentionally connect your children with other people whom you trust would give them the same advice you would give them. Right. So, you know, my my children growing up were close to their aunt and they were close to some different women at church and women that I worked with who I purposefully nurtured and supported those relationships, right? So that if something was going on in one of my daughter's lives and they didn't feel like they could talk to me, they had other women whom I trusted would give them the right answers that they could go to. And in fact, there were numerous times that, you know, one of my daughters might come home and say, You won't believe what Aunt Meg said. And then they'd rattle off something profound that I'd been saying for weeks already, right? But they couldn't receive it from me, but they could receive it from another adult with whom they had a loving, caring relationship. And so those people that you go to church with or people in your community or family members can be really strong support systems for your kids during challenging.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Absolutely. Yeah, and it's but we we can't do this alone. And if, you know, I would that would be one thing I'd want to emphasize to listeners that if you're pretty isolated, if your family unit is pretty isolated, maybe you're under-resourced for some you know uh unfortunate reasons, that you we we need people in our lives, we need one another. I don't know. I've seen you, Suzanne, you made me think about a kid that was once here, it came from a hard place. Unfortunately, this this this young man has a very difficult past, and a mom that was just not able to function for some sad reasons, and by all accounts, you would expect his trajectory would have been poor and would have had a bad outcome. This kid had resiliency and he was full of life, and it turned out there's a little church that he got connected with, and it was a small church, but very strong culture there, had all those elements that Cole you were just describing about those important traditions, a place full of hope and health, healthy relationships, and they just love this young man. It was actually an an older congregation, and they were he was like oxygen to them because he was a young guy and they just took him in and he stayed buoyant with hope through an o what was otherwise uh by all accounts an awful childhood. So we definitely need one another. And I know that we're living in an age where church seems to be, I don't know, sometimes gets a bad name, or we hear about hypocrisy or just indifference towards it. And I would hope for all listeners that they would find a healthy church of of whatever size, don't necessarily look for a big church where you might still be isolated, uh, you know, those great big ones, but find find a group that really would circle around and give some healthy relationships and and a lot of hope.

Small Wins That Rebuild Momentum

SPEAKER_04 18:08

How can small victories help restore hope? And what are some practical examples parents can look for in their child's life?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

I think sometimes by the time we feel hopeless, things have progressed fairly far. And so when you look back at the goal you're trying to accomplish, it may seem big and insurmountable. And and repairing what's been damaged won't happen overnight. So I think you have to to look at small, measurable goals. You can't you can't say, you know, we're gonna fix whatever this big problem is and think that that will happen quickly, but you're gonna have to set some small goals and celebrate the accomplishment of those goals, whatever, whatever's appropriate as you, you know, move to resolve that problem.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

What what would be um if you don't mind me asking, what would be some examples?

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Well, you know, let's just if you feel like your family has become disconnected and the communication is poor, you know, what are small practical ways that you could repair that? We could we could set a rule in our home that we're gonna have dinner together three nights a week.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Maybe not even every night, right? But three nights a week and and we're gonna celebrate those times that we can actually spend time together, right? And and I might add a goal to that is and nobody, including the parents, is gonna look at their cell phone, right? You know, for for an hour. We're gonna set some small goals instead of saying we're all gonna come back together and our communication is gonna be healthy. That's not realistic, but a small goal that we have a meal three times a week where we can focus on interaction and conversation. I think that's doable.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Right. And it gives you evidence in a picture that that things are not beyond repair. Yeah. When you can get those little moments of evidence, a little glimpse of the future you're hoping for, that can provide a lot of hope to keep using the word, that there is something that we're moving towards.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

But I I just I'm glad I asked you for an example, Suzanne, because I love that example. And that that's something concrete, it's simple to do, and the positive effects of that are are just off, yeah, just off the charts. I I was part of a program years ago called Families and Schools Together. It was piloted out at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, and what they were doing was identifying at-risk uh children in schools, and it was uh it was an intervention, uh prevention intervention rather than okay, these are the kids that when they're in middle school and in high school, they're they're probably moving towards dropout and some other negative outcomes. Okay, let's identify these kids. They had some community liaisons and a collaboration of social workers, school staff, school administration, maybe law enforcement, I'm not sure. But the one thing that these brainiac folks who put the program together had decided was that a shared meal, if they could just get the family, and like you said, let's not try to do too much, but this is simple thing of having a sit one sit-down shared meal with some boundaries, like you said. Back back then there weren't smartphones and that sort of thing. But without distractions and and without, oh, I don't know, some of the judgments and some of the, you know, I don't know, some of the maybe we get stuck on some conflict things under the roof. But let's just sit down and and just have this meal together and kind of non-negotiable. It's gonna happen at this time, and it's over. We're not gonna try to fix everything, talk everything out. We're just gonna have a meal. And what a great healing effect it brought. And we weren't using the word hope in that saying, but that's exactly what it brought. It's exactly what it brought was hope. So that's a great example.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

You know, we work with a lot of kids who come to our campus with a history of struggling in school, and it's not a lack of intellect or ability, but they just haven't had the support and structure necessary to do well in school. And we set goals for them in school and we don't say you're gonna come in here and make straight A's because that's unreasonable. So we set small goals. Goals, small, measurable, manageable goals. And it may be that you can be present in a class without or with you know without getting up and walking out of class. Those little victories set a foundation that we can build on. Right. So we we look for those small victories. And then like Cole said, we acknowledge that and we we praise that.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

So often in school, what gets all of the teachers' attention or in the home, what gets the parents' attention is the misbehavior because it requires a lot of effort on our part. And sometimes the things that are going well are overlooked or they're not recognized. And so again, going back to what Cole said, it's so important to acknowledge those little victories because then you have a foundation to build on.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

So

Words That Land With Kids

SPEAKER_04 22:45

what words or phrases can parents use to encourage hope in a child who feels defeated, rejected, or just plain stuck?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I think whatever phrase you use, you need to be sure that it's genuine. Because children can always tell if you say great job and they know it wasn't a great job. Right. So you just want to you want to be realistic and you want to be genuine. And if you can say something measurable, I think that's important. You know, if you say, hey, yesterday when I came to check your your room, there were clothes everywhere. But today when I came to check your room, I only saw one pair of socks on the floor. And that and that's wonderful. Thank you for doing a good job, right? I think that that that that's better than great job.

SPEAKER_03 23:28

Right. Yeah. I've been playing a parenting game with my kids for years now where I just randomly hit them with guess what? And the answer is always I love you. But I try to do it sporadically enough that sometimes they think I'm asking a real question. Nice. And my my five-year-old has started started responding with, Why do you always say that to me? And so my answer is just, I just never want you to forget it. And so there's some of those things that and they roll their eyes every time at me when I do this and almost never get a I love you back because that's not how the game works. But I do think there's some value in them repeatedly hearing, regardless of context, regardless of what else is going on. It's not normally because they've just done something really great. It's usually just a down moment where maybe nothing else is really going on. Maybe we're just picking up from school, dropping off, walking, doing chores. It could be anything that then I can hit them with a, hey, guess what? I love you. And so hopefully that becomes a message that in their daily, consistent time, hey, if if nothing else, dad loves me. So, you know, like you said, you can't give them the platitudes of everything's gonna be okay because probably based on their experience, they know everything is not always okay. And it doesn't mean things in the future can't be good. But we know everything between now and then is not gonna be okay. And so giving them the everything's everything's okay, yeah, that doesn't match their experience. That'll fall flat pretty quick. But I can give them dad loves you.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

That isolation, that getting back to that that leads to despair, you know, that it is uh it's kind of circling back again. But that noticing, being seen, and then making I I have to catch myself and make sure then that those the statements that I have aren't gonna just be about performance of some kind, right? Even though there's a place for for those kind of remarks, you know. Hey, I noticed there's only 23 pairs of socks on the floor instead of 25 today, or what whatever Suzanne said. But but those things about their intrinsic value. My my granddaughter Natalie plays basketball, and uh after the game, it's and uh doesn't matter, she has no points or two points or whatever. She she plays, and and I always tell her she play a good game. And I said, Hey, I want you to know something. I said, You'll never believe this. And she says, What? I said, You are my favorite one. And that's kind of a running joke now. And she says, Really? I said, No, and I'm not biased either. But it's all about your her her value, right? And yeah, those those kind of things.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

There's probably nothing more powerful than unconditional positive regard that we can extend to our children. We we may not always see eye to eye, we may not always get along, uh, Josh, as you head into seeing your artist, but I love you no matter what. And that that will not change. That cannot be taken away. And so again, we're not only praising them when they do what we want, where they are successful in some way, but regardless of whatever your behavior is, whatever your choices are, I love you.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

That's where uh we they stay buoyant with hope when they when they know that they're loved and know that their life matters. Sometimes just to remind them your life has meaning and value, or tell the girls you're beautiful, you're valuable, you're loved.

SPEAKER_04 26:30

All right, so

Real Stories Of Hope Restored

SPEAKER_04 26:31

to finish up, can you share a story of a child or a family you've worked with who overcame an incredible odds because they did hold on to hope?

SPEAKER_01 26:37

I think we've worked with so many residents over the years who've overcome incredible odds in their childhood or their past to go on and accomplish great things. And and those great things aren't always degrees or jobs or accomplishments, but the fact that they have gone on to be productive citizens, that they are good spouses and good parents and contributing members of the community is just so powerful. I I see so many of our alumni who have changed the trajectory of their families because they are good loving parents to their children. Their children are in church, they know that they are loved and and cared for. And I just see so many doing amazing things. I will share we we had two girls that came to live here at Cal Farley's when they were very young from pretty, pretty traumatic backgrounds. And they've both gone on to not only be great moms to their own families, but but one of the sisters in particular became aware two children in need of a home that belonged, they were they were relatives her her husband's family. And there was actually discussion by that family about possibly sending the children to live at Cal Farley's. And this young woman said, you know what, we have a home and we could extend care for them, and took those two children in and adopted them and changed the trajectory of those children's lives because of what she received here, the care and love and condition unconditional support that we provided to her. Now she is providing that to not only her children, but these two bonus children that she's adopted. And I'm so inspired and amazed by that.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

Young man, there great story. Had a there's a young man lived miles away from out of state. He was in a violent home. Mom's his stepdad was scapegoated this young man. It was an abusive setting, there was addiction under the roof, and they, long story short, told him if you can find a place, we'll take you there. All right, so they were just gonna boot him out. And he Googled and found found uh Cal Farley's. And and next long story short, he ends up coming. And this young man did very well here and got very plugged in at chapel, just developed a real strong faith in the Lord and went on and got his college degree, wanted to be a teacher coach, wanted to affect young people the way that he was blessed here at Cal Farley's, and asked me to, and he married his his sweetheart, asked me to do the wedding. This wedding was down where he went to college, uh, quite some quite some distance away, and he wanted to do the wedding the day after the graduation down there at this town. And I said, Well, I told my friend, that's I said, That you do what you want to do, but that's a lot of stress and a lot of stuff to be doing in two days to have your graduate finishing up finals, graduation, having a wedding, and planning that, and then and then marriage from there. And he says, Well, yeah, I know that's that sounds crazy, but he says, you know, my family from out of state, and they were a long ways away from this location, they don't have the resources to come twice. And I wanted them there, and I couldn't have been more touched to see, okay, here's a boy that received hope while he was here because of this community, but that hope got passed on, and I the most beautiful sight was to see him and his mother and his stepfather at the table together, and he wanted all of them there, and I could see there was healing that was going on there. Just think how easy it would be for someone to maybe achieve what this young man achieved, feel very justified in just burning that bridge and not wanting to revisit it, right? With with a family that really had done him wrong. And he was full of grace and forgiveness, and there was just hope in that room. And I I couldn't have been more touched. So this this hope really does change the world, right?

SPEAKER_04 30:39

All right,

How To Reach Us And Closing

SPEAKER_04 30:40

thank you so much for joining us today. I hope that this was a helpful discussion. If you'd like to contact us and ask us a question, our email is podcast at calfarley.org. I'll leave a link in the description. And I hope you've already done so. But if you haven't, please follow, subscribe to the show, and leave us a five-star review. And as always, you might have to loan out your funnel lobes today. Just make sure you remember and get them back.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about CalFarley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarly.org. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for CalFarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.